dndads quotes (updating; read pinned)

#DNDADS / currently tweeting random quotes from episodes 1-16 every hour / spoilers up to episode coded

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Lark/Sparrow: I think we're taking different morals from that story. My moral was, “You should’ve let me do it,” and your moral is that you’re glad I didn’t.

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Paeden: I have the fucking eye of the tiger and you got the eye of Paeden's knife!

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Glenn: Listen up, you son of a bitch. I'm gonna show you what real pain is.

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Anthony: She gives a very asexual, strong handshake.

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Ron: Hi, Hungry, I'm Dad.

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Matt: I wasted that 20. What do I see daddy master? What do my daddy eyes witness?

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Glenn: Measure once, cut twice.

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Ron: Well, nothing makes me angrier than a middle man gatekeeping a career path.

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Henry: I get... I'm pretty cool under the collar but I get frustrated around evasive— you know, (mutters in hushed voice) French people—

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Darryl: Ron, if you were up there, I'd go up there right now and save you. So let's go up there.

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Henry: Listen up, you big alpha jock piece of shit bozo! These are our fucking kids we’re tryna get back, so fucking cool it with your fucking dick swaggering nonsense!

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Henry: All right, Glenn, I will Google ''vampires'' if it will get you to stop talking about Wikipedia. Will that help?

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Nick: Old people are the worst.

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Ron: I have a problem with your dad's ''oui'' dick.

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Ron: Sometimes a boy just wants to see a corpse.

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The Library: You don't know the lyrics to Wild Wild West by Will Smith at all, do you?

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Ron: Um. Is English your native language?

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Lark and Sparrow: Uhhhhhhhhh power!

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Ron: No, my feet are big, I have big man feet. My feet are as large and as manly as I am.

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Lizardboy Scales McStuffins: I'm so glad we feel so much closer as a group now because of that song.