Don Johnson

Thick & Tired

[Don Johnson @dons_johnson]

How I ruined your career: Confessions of an open mic host drunk with power!

[Don Johnson @dons_johnson]

Now go ahead and ban this f'ckin app too

[Don Johnson @dons_johnson]

The road to hell is paved by people who were only "interested" in your event

[Don Johnson @dons_johnson]

Don't talk to me till I've had my manic episode

[Don Johnson @dons_johnson]

@NosferatuFilm was just half-assed Dracula with walking sleep apnea 4/10

[Don Johnson @dons_johnson]

@TheCursedGoon Said there would not be a 4

[Don Johnson @dons_johnson]

This app sucks a$$ but here's an ad for my mic...

[Don Johnson @dons_johnson]

@TheCursedGoon This is what this app is for.

[Don Johnson @dons_johnson]

Have we tried praying the guns away?

[Don Johnson @dons_johnson]

Your barren wine drunk aunt traded your daughter's womb for cheap gas last night.

[Don Johnson @dons_johnson]

Your yearly reminder. You're not an actress, you're a drunk in an abandoned Kmart

[Don Johnson @dons_johnson]

The anti-social urge to work "In-office" from the goddammed parking lot

[Don Johnson @dons_johnson]

@Clayfighter1 I knew he was a bad dude but wow was this doc eye opening

[Don Johnson @dons_johnson]

A comic's group chat is like a circle jerk but everyone's jackin it on their own face

[Don Johnson @dons_johnson]

@jakepaul would never fight someone his own age, weight class much less an actual ranked professional boxer.

The biggest con in professional sports.

[Don Johnson @dons_johnson]

Only thing worse than losing a comedy contest is what you'll eat on the way home

[Don Johnson @dons_johnson]

Some of us start every day without a chance in hell and some somehow learn to live despite the hopeless of it all.

#livelikebob

[Don Johnson @dons_johnson]

It's your world!

But we'll just keep it at my house, like it's both ours.

[Don Johnson @dons_johnson]

The only safe sex is to cum directly into an open fire in front of an Exorcist

[Don Johnson @dons_johnson]

@JonnyBones Why not both, they each deserve their shot. And you know you're not done yet. Not by a long shot.

[Don Johnson @dons_johnson]

@Clayfighter1 tbh, kinda hot