An 85-year-old man had to take a sperm count for his physical exam. The doctor gave him a jar and said, “Take this home and bring back a sample tomorrow.” The next day the man returned to the office and handed him the jar, which was as clean and empty as the day before. The doctor asked what happened, and the man explained, “Well, doc, it’s like this. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then my left, still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door, and she tried too—first with both hands, then an armpit, then squeezing it between her knees—but still nothing.”
The doctor was shocked. “You asked your neighbor?” The old man replied, “Yep, none of us could get the jar open!”
@RebeccFung@HazelAppleyard The boring way is to save and invest. The fun way is to convince someone to give you 10 million. The kicker? If anyone finds out you have it you lose it all. 😄
A young Chinese couple gets married.
She’s a virgin. Truth be told, he is virgin too, but she doesn’t know that.
On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness.
He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring. ’My darring, he whispers, ‘I know dis you firss time and you berry flighten.’
I promise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting juss anyting you want. You juss ask. Whatchu want?’ he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her.
A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request.
She eventually shyly whispers back, ‘I want to try something I have hear about from odda girls… Numbaa 69.’
More thoughtful silence from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her …’You want … Garlic Chicken wif flide lice..?
@MPelletierCIO@financialpost I think you sugar-coated the massive economic reckoning that is coming but the message is there. Our governments have no clue.
@shandro The status quo isn't giving us coastal access or economic certainty. Cnrl didn't cite political unrest as a factor to postpone expansion, they did cite regulatory uncertainty. Now ask yourself the source of this uncertainty, and why breaking from Ottawa might actually fix it.