The Douche Life

Everyone wants to be me or with me.

[The Douche Life @douchingaround]

I can't understand Sofia Vergara.

[NFL Douchebag @nfldouchebag]

Feminists are so upset about the female ref jokes.

You want equality, correct?

People have been making fun of the male refs for years.

[NFL Douchebag @nfldouchebag]

The NFL is all set to hire it's first female ref, but I think there's already enough blood on the field.

[Family Guy Quotes @familyguymania]

Katy Perry stole her halftime entrance from Family Guy.

[NFL Douchebag @nfldouchebag]

Oh, sure. Katy Perry rides a mechanical lion and it's "art." But when I do the same thing, I'm "drunk" and "asked to leave Dave & Busters."

[The Douche Life @douchingaround]

Jello shot, bitch? #ThreeWordsSheWantsToHear

[The Douche Life @douchingaround]

Me: Is that some real shit?
Old Man: ???????
Me: Do people care?

[The Douche Life @douchingaround]

I can't not kiss me in the mirror.

[The Douche Life @douchingaround]

The Jizz Slide #RejectedThemeParkRides

[The Douche Life @douchingaround]

Underwear just feels like diapers to me. #FreeBalling #FreeBallFriday

[The Douche Life @douchingaround]

I just dropped my iPhone on my dick.

Damn that thing's sturdy.

[MLB Douchebag @mlbdouchebag]

The Royals are on pace for 69 home runs.

That isn't a joke, but I find it funny for two reasons.

[The Douche Life @douchingaround]

This is the motto I live by.

[The Douche Life @douchingaround]

Spiderman jizzes webs, right?

[The Douche Life @douchingaround]

Don't be me, be you.

[The Douche Life @douchingaround]

I pee in sinks.

[South Park Quotes @southparkboom]

Donald Sterling on South Park

[Capital Fools @thecapitalfools]

He was just asked about his penis size.