Dave Porterhaus

Small batch, non-gmo, artisan, hand crafted, farm to tweet comedy goodness. Being serious isn't my bag baby.

[Dave Porterhaus @DPorterhaus]

I'm a huge fan of Shakespeare. He knew you couldn't pound one emotion into your audience or they would get exhausted. Even in his most tragic plays,he would throw in levity and lift the audience for a bit. That's what I try to do here. Too many depressing Tweets.

[Dave Porterhaus @DPorterhaus]

@Amer1can_Barbie 😁😁

[Dave Porterhaus @DPorterhaus]

@jk_rowling

[Dave Porterhaus @DPorterhaus]

@alifarhat79 @elonmusk Elon is becoming the bad guy like Batman in The Dark Knight., "I killed Harvey Dent". I'm not the symbol they want, but the one they need.

[Dave Porterhaus @DPorterhaus]

@JonathanTurley I'm writing a baseball book. It's called 12-50, The Story of the Colorado Rockies.

[Dave Porterhaus @DPorterhaus]

@stats_feed Nick Cannon needs to step it up!

[Dave Porterhaus @DPorterhaus]

@chrisparente I stopped checking bags after the divorce.

[Dave Porterhaus @DPorterhaus]

@shoveitjack @MrsRotnjetski Unalived Pool!

[Dave Porterhaus @DPorterhaus]

@CallMeK1123

[Dave Porterhaus @DPorterhaus]

@stephen_taylor @TheBabylonBee @LizMair

[Dave Porterhaus @DPorterhaus]

@MileHighRoach Thank you sir!

[Dave Porterhaus @DPorterhaus]

@MileHighRoach What's that app that you can announce players coming up to bat? 🤔

[Dave Porterhaus @DPorterhaus]

@MelonieMac

[Dave Porterhaus @DPorterhaus]

@Bee__witched

[Dave Porterhaus @DPorterhaus]

@Bee__witched I didn't see this on your wish list. 😁

https://t.co/bfk4BWPuGr

[Dave Porterhaus @DPorterhaus]

@PolitiBunny @aggierican Pope Foo!

[Dave Porterhaus @DPorterhaus]

@LuckyMcGee 🤣🤣

[Dave Porterhaus @DPorterhaus]

@Bee__witched @F1KimiAntonelli @F1 "Unsafe release" sounds dirty. 😲

[Dave Porterhaus @DPorterhaus]

@PolitiBunny Baby fuckity fuck fuck
Baby fuckity fuck fuck
Baby fuck!
Mommy fuckity fuck fuck
Mommy fuckity fuck fuck
Mommy fuck!
You're on to something here. 😁

[Dave Porterhaus @DPorterhaus]

@ShamashAran @ZeldaAGabriel

[Dave Porterhaus @DPorterhaus]

@Judianna 🤣🤣🤣