Drew Harmon

Comedian/Future former comedian

[Drew Harmon @drewharmon]

@MikeJohnson So when those radical leftists help you keep your job you’re obviously going to refuse, correct?

[Drew Harmon @drewharmon]

The only comedy hot take I have is promoting shows on LinkedIn is for nerds

[Drew Harmon @drewharmon]

Primary Care Doctor's Office Email: Time for a checkup! Call us to schedule an appointment to stay on top of your health!

Office On Phone: the next available appointment is in May

American Healthcare: goin' great!

[Drew Harmon @drewharmon]

Was thinking I haven't done enough standup lately and then saw a pro comic I respect post they were grateful they sold just enough t-shirts to pay their rent last month, guess who's gonna keep doing the day job and staying home y'all

[Drew Harmon @drewharmon]

New Twitter process:
1. log in once a week
2. go to "Following" tab
3. dig through ads for at least the first 10 posts
4. see one Tweet from somebody I actually follow
5. see a racial slur from a blue checkmark's Tweet that I don't follow
6. log off
7. see ya next week!

[Drew Harmon @drewharmon]

@FrankConniff @AndyKindler Met a person who wrote for Maher once, and they were very polite and diplomatic and all they would say was he was "not their favorite person to work for."

[Drew Harmon @drewharmon]

@pacoromane My family used to be ALL about @AmericanAir and in the last five years they've managed to reduce their service quality to Frontier/Spirit levels. Sorry you're having a shitty travel experience. At this point I fork over the extra $$$ for Delta after one too many days like yours

[Drew Harmon @drewharmon]

One fun part of having done comedy for a billion years is getting back in therapy and realizing how casually I think of suicide. My therapist asked how often I think about killing myself and apparently my response of “every time I have to wash dishes” is not the healthy answer

[Drew Harmon @drewharmon]

Our Alexas show news stories and it’s always been NPR or NBC and stuff like that, then recently they added Fox News stories so now we’re fully informed about how the Biden Crime Family is coming to steal our guns and ground beef while forcing us to be woke trans communists

[Drew Harmon @drewharmon]

it's gloomy and 62 degrees today and giving off heavy October/Guaraldi vibes and I am here for it

[Drew Harmon @drewharmon]

Finally forced the update, wish the iPhone UI was an X just for synchronicity. And with this, so long to this app

[Drew Harmon @drewharmon]

Companies 2020: why aren't employees more loyal
Companies 2021: nobody wants to work
Companies 2023: as we focus on efficiency in a tightening economic situation we've made the unfortunate decision to lay off 50% of our staff
Companies 2026: why aren't employees more loyal

[Drew Harmon @drewharmon]

@smokedlotus @TheDemCoalition If he has committed any crime he should face consequences. I voted for Biden but if he conspired to protect or benefit from any crimes, he should also face consequences. Nobody is above the law. Now do the politicians you support.

[Drew Harmon @drewharmon]

Made appointments for a general health checkup, dermatologist checkup to scope out some moles and check on hair loss treatments and have a new therapist lined up, gonna be one healthy-ass cancer-free well-adjusted sonofabitch with some good-ass hair, all you fools better look out

[Drew Harmon @drewharmon]

@BuckGenoIII He just laid off a huge chunk of his staff because he refuses to fly commercial and donations are dwindling. Real man of the people!

[Drew Harmon @drewharmon]

@gobills_norcal @kraftmacncheese Would you like some Mac and cheese with your hot dog though

[Drew Harmon @drewharmon]

@CalltoActivism If ya don’t like it, git out!

[Drew Harmon @drewharmon]

oh cool five hours of meetings today excellent so many collaboration opportunities

[Drew Harmon @drewharmon]

Anybody who doesn’t send me money is a snowflake wokester who hates America, c’mon gang before I get canceled fork over that cash, what are you liberals or something

[Drew Harmon @drewharmon]

@pacoromane This actually sounds awful and therefore will totally happen - much like how TSA Pre is now superseded by Clear, any way to charge more to commodify being treated like a human being