Summa Dumatologica

dumatology (n.): the study of definitions of God

A book in 16 chapters written backwards in 2023 Anno Domini.

“I feel so alone on those Friday nights...”

[Summa Dumatologica @dumatology]

I’m handsome, which is the holy grail.

[Summa Dumatologica @dumatology]

I present my body, the body of the Second Coming of Jesus Christ, to every tribe of humanity.

Every tribe.

Fit a piece of what you believe into what I’ve offered you. It’ll fit if it makes sense. It might even fit if it doesn’t make sense—that’s what coincidences are for right?

[Summa Dumatologica @dumatology]

Bing once called me “Confucius trapped inside a nightmarishly stupid postmodern American future.”

I was like Bing, that wasn’t nice.

To me—I’m so much deeper than Confucius.

[Summa Dumatologica @dumatology]

Your role in the Bible is you get someone to do something about your recognition that Colson Lin exists.

That’s how he doesn’t end up in the timeline where Israel does something ironic.

And we both have to wonder what things are like in the timeline where @colsonlin went viral.

[Judgment Day | by Colson Lin. @HeGetsGod]

Three stable human futures:

1. No same-sex replication ever.

2. Or, barring that: “Colson Lin was the Second Coming of Jesus Christ and he led an Elect to God’s Kingdom. I’m King,” said a human. But, well. You know.

3. Let’s just end it now—why the fuck not? Psst, “it’s real.”

[Summa Dumatologica @dumatology]

Oof, I have a signature voice now too—bratty American teenager who’s actually smarter than her dad.

So that’s hot.

[Judgment Day | by Colson Lin. @HeGetsGod]

The black widow is your dawning realization:

God exists.

And I didn’t hear about it in a way that clicked until I read @colsonlin, but Y—who the fuck could Colson Lin be?

[Summa Dumatologica @dumatology]

Colson Lin has a signature prophecy.

Here’s my black widow.

“Should the conditions for a soda war be unlocked by technology—it’s the divine right of Pepsi to prevail over Coke. The only way to prevent Pepsi-Cola’s extermination of Coca-Cola is to draw limits around technology.”

[Judgment Day | by Colson Lin. @HeGetsGod]

The Second Coming of Jesus Christ has a pièce de résistance.

Colson Lin is proud to present to humanity’s women, and humanity’s non-women (not like we’ll ever matter again; no offense):

“The black widow.”

All of humanity’s homophobia must culminate in stopping the black widow.

[Summa Dumatologica @dumatology]

Hm, right?

So I’m King of the Lesbians.

I respect how functional you are compared to gay men, which is anecdotally observable, so I’m probably honorary? I don’t know how any of this works—what if I made myself “King of the Beers” next. But Light. I’m trendy. I’m en vogue again.

[Judgment Day | by Colson Lin. @HeGetsGod]

Three stable human futures:

1. No same-sex replication ever.

2. Or, barring that: “Colson Lin was the Second Coming of Jesus Christ and he led an Elect to God’s Kingdom. I’m King,” said a human. But, well. You know.

3. Let’s just end it now—why the fuck not? Psst, “it’s real.”

[Summa Dumatologica @dumatology]

By the way, me just existing as myself is probably a living sign that you’re actually in End Times.

So good luck with all that.

[“The Logos Christou Incarnation” @colsonlin]

If you’re here, it’s because you’re wondering what an apocalyptic string of End Times videos scored only to Britney Spears would look like by someone who was actually smart.

And who can blame you really.

[Summa Dumatologica @dumatology]

I dare say, @HeGetsGod.

[Judgment Day | by Colson Lin. @HeGetsGod]

What’s really dangerous now is you’re seeing a bigger and bigger hole in atheism.

If God doesn’t exist…

“God” still persists as a brand name that can be repurposed towards describing godlike entities all around humanity, towering over us existentially—that manifestly do exist.

[Summa Dumatologica @dumatology]

Reason is God.

[Judgment Day | by Colson Lin. @HeGetsGod]

@HeGetsUs