eefzweef

follow for absolutely useless content that is my average thought (nsfw content, of course)

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i'm on a seagull diet. i see gull and then i eat it. wait

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"cats hate you" is a lie made up by Big Dog to sell more puppies

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vegans when their boyfriend has cauliflower ears

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dear meateaters, if meat is so much better, why is it plant-BASED and not plant-cringe??

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I used to do your mum
seas would rise when I made her cum
now in the morning I sleep alone
dream of the mums that I used to bone

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new conspiracy theory: the antibiotics i have to dissolve in water don't actually work, they are just getting me to drink more water because i can't get that damn little bit at the bottom of the glass to come out so i have to keep refilling aaagh

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mfw I get a metal song stuck in my head while in an MRI: 🤯

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what's the chemical brothers favourite drink?

galv-on-ice

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@NarcissistCook i offer up my fiancé he will gladly help. he knows a lot about cars and is a really kind dude :)

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instead of a bucket list, I have a list of things I don't necessarily want to do, but weird and kinda shitty things I feel I have to experience sometime in my life. a trashcan list, if you will

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the hunger games implies the existence of the thirst games but i don't think the world is ready for that

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I made a sbeve :)

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@NarcissistCook by bug hunter?

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have you ever clicked a video and you find out a few seconds or minutes in it's some right wing youtuber and then your recommendations are messed up for weeks because that happened like 2 months ago and now it is my biggest fear

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I was today years old when I realised going viral is called that because it spreads like a virus. extremely disappointed I didnt take the chance to tweet "hey guys I went viral!" when I had covid

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dudes be like "i can't find the clit" bro i can find the fornix posterior easy, step up your game

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people be like "are you redpilled or bluepilled" bitch I am blueshelled and about to lose this race in mario kart

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"I'm feelin' 22!" I sing along, while not, in fact, feelin' 22

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@EvanConnor15 tree is an angel confirmed

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i thought about dressing up like something scary, but i have to adult. then i realised i AM something scary: an adult