Eli Garry

never trust mother nature, mother in-laws, and mother fucking Ukrainians.

[Eli Garry @ejagarry]

May we all get to heaven before the devil knows we're dead!

[Eli Garry @ejagarry]

The bearded clam is a natural predator of the trouser snake.... #swallowsitwhole

[Eli Garry @ejagarry]

@tiffkhalifa @DILL_ONmylevel @eazy524 @PeteMcdonald11 Milk was a bad choice

[Eli Garry @ejagarry]

If only there were a way to kill Evey look in earshot of me! Just the worst animal ever

[Eli Garry @ejagarry]

When the babe in the car next to you waves! Then you realize she's wearing glasses and obviously can't see what she's waving at...

[Eli Garry @ejagarry]

@tiffkhalifa shut up!? Really!? Do you even appreciate me?

[Eli Garry @ejagarry]

@tiffkhalifa not true at all!

[Eli Garry @ejagarry]

If a guy takes a shit without being on his phone for 20+ minutes, did it really happen!? #realtalk #ineedanswers

[Eli Garry @ejagarry]

@tiffkhalifa @PeteMcdonald11 https://t.co/9f81Oe2MHi

[Texts From Last Night @TFLN]

(530): People tell me I nevr learn me lesson but thats a bunch of crap. I took Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on last yr experience

[Eli Garry @ejagarry]

@tiffkhalifa you can't afford a razor to shave your legs!?

[Eli Garry @ejagarry]

Welp, that was almost worth my time.... #almost

[Eli Garry @ejagarry]

Why is it called puppy chow when dogs can't even eat it!? #AnimalAbuse

[Eli Garry @ejagarry]

Did anyone just now get used to writing 2016.... Thanks alot Obama!

[Eli Garry @ejagarry]

@tiffkhalifa stock show in fort Worth is end of January..... Just saying

[Eli Garry @ejagarry]

@tiffkhalifa I meant seat.... You jack wagon

[Eli Garry @ejagarry]

@tiffkhalifa I just peed a little watching that... I'll save you a deer in hell

[Eli Garry @ejagarry]

@AmazinVoices @IdiotOlympics @tiffkhalifa

[Eli Garry @ejagarry]

C'mon kemosabe.... Lets go round up your silver bullets!

[Eli Garry @ejagarry]

Why wouldn't they just ask the camera man in the life alert commercial when they need help and can't get up? #wasteofabuttonpush

[Eli Garry @ejagarry]

I'm getting nowhere, and I'm tired of thinking. Guess that calls for some wishful drinking