Mr. steal glenn howerton’s wife

upon my death, all of my belongings shall transfer to the man or animal who has killed me

[Mr. steal glenn howerton’s wife @ekglarry]

Larry Ray, namesake and photosake of this Twitter account has died of a heart attack today. Dump a spoon or two for him today, I will continue to tweak every day in his honor ✊

[Mr. steal glenn howerton’s wife @ekglarry]

Tattoo across my forehead that says “No man I dont wanna sign your petition. Im just trying to buy groceries. Ive already had it up to here today and this is going to be the straw that makes the camel kill himself

[Mr. steal glenn howerton’s wife @ekglarry]

*wakes up* Dammit

[Mr. steal glenn howerton’s wife @ekglarry]

I am quickly becoming the greatest guy to ever do it #livinglikefreddurst

[jake rhodes @jakebrodes]

There’s worms in the beef and there is poop on the lettuce and tomato. Cheese isn’t real and the ketchup gives you cancer. They’ve ruined the burger. And we just watched.

[Mr. steal glenn howerton’s wife @ekglarry]

English singer and songwriter Gary Numan (my arch nemesis) is telepathically raping me

[Mr. steal glenn howerton’s wife @ekglarry]

pulling my asscrack hairs out one by one To wipe…… Or not to wipe….. To wipe…… Or not to wipe……

[Mr. steal glenn howerton’s wife @ekglarry]

Crudj

[Mr. steal glenn howerton’s wife @ekglarry]

What i look like when you don’t respond for 8 minutes

[Mr. steal glenn howerton’s wife @ekglarry]

In my hometown Im known as “The guy that fucked an orange”

[Mr. steal glenn howerton’s wife @ekglarry]

They dont make em like they used to *slapping the big fat hairy ass of my personal caveman companion*

[Mr. steal glenn howerton’s wife @ekglarry]

Hey man just a heads up every 3rd tuesday the spirit of chicken little takes over my body and mind.

[Mr. steal glenn howerton’s wife @ekglarry]

sometimes my ass wipes itself

[Mr. steal glenn howerton’s wife @ekglarry]

#ISavedMyWifeFromASexTraffickingIncidentThatWasPrettyMuchAllMyFault #SheGoodNowTho #Fr

[Mr. steal glenn howerton’s wife @ekglarry]

pouring a little bit of my soul into every jar of pasta sauce at the store

[Mr. steal glenn howerton’s wife @ekglarry]

every thing i try to do turns out to have 10 million extra steps involved i live my life in a spiderweb of Things I Need To Do #freemefromthismortalcoil

[Mr. steal glenn howerton’s wife @ekglarry]

I want DJ paul to rip me apart with his bare hands like a gorilla

[Mr. steal glenn howerton’s wife @ekglarry]

just pulled some Daniel Craig 007 type of shit

[Mr. steal glenn howerton’s wife @ekglarry]

just pulled some Tom Cruise level shit

[Mr. steal glenn howerton’s wife @ekglarry]

if i had a hermione granger time turner i’d use it to bring kratom to outdoor ed in 6th grade

[Mr. steal glenn howerton’s wife @ekglarry]

quadenj all over again