Mark Eldish

Comedy Novelist exploring spiritual ideas. Too young to retire. Too old to get a proper job. Sometimes R-rated. #comedy

[Mark Eldish @eldish_mark]

"British comedy at its best."

"Flawless."

"The greatest story ever told."

These are just some of the kind words I considered when writing my own jacket blurb.

[Mark Eldish @eldish_mark]

Atheist Gary Fenton commits suicide, only to discover that God exists and that she's not at all happy. Gary now has 72 hours to save the world by wooing the soul mate he hasn't even met yet... #bookworms
Amazon USA: https://t.co/822NcLfm5n

Amazon UK: https://t.co/jEGop0L5aE …

[Mark Eldish @eldish_mark]

Did I say that?

[Mr. Mike @mrmikeMTL]

How often do you talk to yourself?

[Mark Eldish @eldish_mark]

Free Beer Forever

[Inspirational Quotes @SeffSaid]

What are they?

[Mark Eldish @eldish_mark]

@TheRealDudja Discontent.

[Mark Eldish @eldish_mark]

Set goals more effectively by making sure they're:

Achievable - Can you do it?
Realistic - Can anyone do it?
Specific - What the hell is it?
Easy - Because nobody likes a failure.

Keep your ARSE in mind at all times and the rest will take care of itself.

#toptips

[Mark Eldish @eldish_mark]

@brclothwrites I was sitting quietly on the day that I became one with my throne. Like, literally. I know, right? Amazeballs.

[Mark Eldish @eldish_mark]

@Costume_Bitch

[Mark Eldish @eldish_mark]

🤣

[Elon Musk @elonmusk]

Check out my spicy 🌶️ 🔥 OnlyGANs!!

[Añj @MsAnjaliRB]

One of the most precious friendships in the world. How can anyone hurt dogs/children? They deserve love & only love.♥️

[Mark Eldish @eldish_mark]

Not yet. Have you read my book?

[Swift Sloan @Swift414]

Have you watched any of my movies?

[Mark Eldish @eldish_mark]

Moneh.

[Greenpeace UK @GreenpeaceUK]

🚨 BREAKING: Rishi Sunak has approved the UK’s first new coal mine in 30 YEARS.

We’re in the middle of a climate emergency, what on earth is the government thinking?

[Mark Eldish @eldish_mark]

@SoVeryBritish Careful, or it'll freeze your arse off.

[Mark Eldish @eldish_mark]

I've attracted about 50 new bikini bot followers in the last couple of weeks or so. Weren't bots being cleansed from the system about now? If not, then could @elonmusk please force each bot to buy at least one copy of my book?

[Mark Eldish @eldish_mark]

@MozPerkins That's fantastic :D

[Mark Eldish @eldish_mark]

Embarking on my first read of the Wheel of Time series. Wish me luck.

#WoT #wotfirsttimer

[VeryBritishProblems @SoVeryBritish]

You’re not British unless you spent school break times playing games that carried a high risk of concussion in a concrete playground

[Mark Eldish @eldish_mark]

In the grand tradition of Kan Ye? West and Will I? Am, I will now start referring to myself as Did He? Eldish.

[Mark Eldish @eldish_mark]

@LisetteBrodey Now you mention the dragon, my skull on the right looks more like the creature from Alien.

[Mark Eldish @eldish_mark]

A white rabbit on the left. A skull on the right.

[Lisette Brodey @LisetteBrodey]

What do you see in the clouds?

[Mark Eldish @eldish_mark]

UK political parties operate on the same basis as MLM companies in the 1980s. Those at the top profit from the trust given by those below.

Remember, kids, these politicians are not your friends. They're just the ones in charge of the prison island you call home.

#ToryCorruption

[Mark Eldish @eldish_mark]

Cherry.