Paul Davis

40-something nursing student with depressive tendencies.

[Paul Davis @elephone]

I'm like that dog making breakfast with his mouth. I don't know what I'm doing, and you wouldn't want what I'm making even if I did.

[Paul Davis @elephone]

Having more money than sense is really bad when you're almost broke.

[Paul Davis @elephone]

Past life tweet: I spent 10 minutes making fun of its weight before finding out the purpose of this ship and crew was not to lampoon whales.

[Paul Davis @elephone]

People often ask why I'm always so angry. The short answer is, I'm angry because I wasted so much of my youth being angry.

[Paul Davis @elephone]

When life gives you lemons, do what I do. Make really sour, off-tasting oatmeal with them.

[Paul Davis @elephone]

Life has taught me the truth of this: the enemy of my frenemy is my enefriend.

[Paul Davis @elephone]

My biggest pet peeve is people who know who they are. YOU know who you are.

[Paul Davis @elephone]

I like to close my eyes and pretend I'm not a loser. But then I usually trip over something and it destroys the illusion.

[Paul Davis @elephone]

@Xgonda I try and try to tell you but you won't listen...mastication will make you blind!

[Paul Davis @elephone]

You know those people who say they "love life"? I hate those people.

[Paul Davis @elephone]

I never paid much attention to all the ubiquitousness but one day I noticed it's been popping up pretty much everywhere.

[Paul Davis @elephone]

@sarahr_85 Great, except that gmail is down right now, too.

[Paul Davis @elephone]

@davekim Yep, gmail down for me, too.

[Paul Davis @elephone]

@jimgaffigan -- OMG, March 29 @ 9 pm!!!! Blurgh!

[Paul Davis @elephone]

@Dieselsm To me, it's an indication that you're richer and more powerful than most people on the planet, who have no control over anything.

[Paul Davis @elephone]

You have to have a sense of humor, 'cause if not, the humor police will take you and lock you away forever. DO YOU WANT THAT??? HUH???

[Paul Davis @elephone]

They say you have to do what you do best. What I do, better than anyone, is produce ear wax.

[Paul Davis @elephone]

@christina_ricci You told Conan you wanted to play a superspy, but he joked you're too small. NONSENSE -- you'd be tremendous in that role!!

[Paul Davis @elephone]

Colorado house made of straw burns down. Big bad wolf laughs ironically at this. http://www.denverpost.com/ci_12011181

[Paul Davis @elephone]

I like to consider myself a people-watcher. That's what you'll often find me doing in the strip clubs. Watching people.