Elisha

incredibly annoying or amazingly fun. you choose.

[Sean Lowe @SeanLowe09]

When I was putting Samuel to bed tonight, I gave him a kiss and said, “I love you buddy.”

He looked me square in the eyes and replied, “I love Lion King.”

Goodnight, jerk.

[Dashboard Confessional @dashboardmusic]

seconded.

[Sean Lowe @SeanLowe09]

I’m giving Isaiah a bath. Just found a full size Cheeto in the fat fold of his chunky little thigh.

If I’m being honest, it kinda makes me feel better about my own body and eating habits.

[Lili Reinhart @lilireinhart]

Alright well you got me there.

[ellery @elleryonline]

sorority girl: omg delete that I look horrible
officer: it's a mugshot

[Sean Lowe @SeanLowe09]

Catherine shouted, “Did you tell Samuel he could have chocolate?” She was mad.

Samuel ate a Reese’s Cup after she told him not to. He told her I said it was OK- I didn’t.

He stared at me, eyes begging for mercy.

I said no.

I’ve never felt like such a dirty snitch in my life.

[Ryan Reynolds @VancityReynolds]

These assholes told me it was a sweater party. @RealHughJackman #JakeGyllenhaal

[Sean Lowe @SeanLowe09]

I can't explain why, but Vin Diesel covering a Rihanna song is just what I needed today.

[Sean Lowe @SeanLowe09]

My wife is sending me to the store on Black Friday to buy a Christmas tree if anyone wants to retrieve my dead body later.

[Elisha @eliishaa]

Omg

[Elisha @eliishaa]

so my otp @ashleyiaco and @haibon_jared are finally together and I was watching them tell their story & crying and for a minute I stopped so I put on a face mask thinking I could stop with the tears AND NOW IM CRYING WITH A FACE MASK ON JFC

[Elisha @eliishaa]

@ashycat23 trueeeee :’) ilhsm ugh 😭😍

[ashy cat! @ashycat23]

@TMZ @eliishaa -emerges from the deep- nows your chance

[bea @beamiller]

if you’re having a rough morning, just remember that i walked through security at the airport today and the tsa woman asked me how old i was, i answered 19 and she turned to a coworker, laughed and said “damn i thought she was 12.”

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

3-year-old: HELP! HELP! HELP!

Me: What's wrong?!

3: I need a snack.

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

Wife: *texting* Do you think you'll drink much?

Me, in New Orleans by myself on the weekend of Mardi Gras: No.

[Sean Lowe @SeanLowe09]

I just got home from a ski trip with my buddies.

While I was gone, my pregnant wife watched our toddler while working at the same time.

I told her I was sore from snowboarding all week and asked her if she’d rub my back.

There’s a good chance I get murdered tonight.

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

My 3-year-old said, "I need my beauty sleep," and closed herself in an empty box.

I'm raising a cardboard vampire.

[Sean Lowe @SeanLowe09]

Telling Catherine my diet starts tomorrow is my favorite Sunday tradition.