Be Junko's husband.
Have a very beautiful wife and a child.
Leave her and shoot your own son for some mid ass moonie bitch named Chang'e and cause your wife to become a spirit of pure rage.
Why though??
The beauty of Touhou Project is that one artist will draw Patchouli with fat titties and another artist will give her a fat ass and another does both and another does neither and you will save all four to your PC. This is the land of having two cakes. Thousands of cakes, even.