diseased by the cheese help me please

kermit the frog's no1 fan

[diseased by the cheese help me please @ell1111y]

oat milk presenting (derogatory)

[diseased by the cheese help me please @ell1111y]

my cats been missing since I went to bed last Thursday night and almost every night since then I wake up every hour because I've heard his meow in my dreams or a slight pressure on my bed has changed and in my sleep I think it may be him

[diseased by the cheese help me please @ell1111y]

can't look at Instagram stories for the rest of the week, too jealous about people seeing mcr

[diseased by the cheese help me please @ell1111y]

SHES SO GONEEEE

[diseased by the cheese help me please @ell1111y]

if you think about it lemonade mouth was peak cinema and they should have just stopped making movies after it came out

[diseased by the cheese help me please @ell1111y]

@NorMonsta @VeryBadLlama British occupation left Kenya in 1963 so assuming these farms have been going for 63 years, they are still run by KENYANS in KENYA and being imported to England from KENYA

[Alistair's Great Tweets @YesitsAlistair]

But… he did get away with it

[diseased by the cheese help me please @ell1111y]

every time I log onto twitter I consider changing my header but now I've just remembered our landlord coming over last week, offering her a cup of tea and me pulling out an entire trolley

[diseased by the cheese help me please @ell1111y]

broken toe, stuck between the probably irrational fear that it will heal wrong the upways or the downways (never broken a bone before idk how this works)

[diseased by the cheese help me please @ell1111y]

@LegitCalpol dude I think if anyone understood that their head would explode, mine included

[diseased by the cheese help me please @ell1111y]

checking my ballot paper over 7x in a row JUST to make sure I didn't accidentally vote reform

[chase @_chase_____]

instead of meal prepping on sundays, have u considered taking an impromptu and cost ineffective trip to the grocery store every single day of the week?

[L 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 @InchOrInfinity]

Standard post-vote panic I somehow accidentally voted for the Evil Racist party

[B.M. @ireallyhateyou]

Holocaust Museum, Amsterdam

[diseased by the cheese help me please @ell1111y]

now she keeps asking for for the "blue starbursts"

[diseased by the cheese help me please @ell1111y]

I forget how colourblind my girlfriend is until something like we were looking for a rug, she picked a lovely pink one and I picked up the green version instead, she looked me dead in the eye fully serious and said "that's the same rug what's the difference"

[diseased by the cheese help me please @ell1111y]

I asked her what colour she thought they both were and she said brown

[Neil Renic @NC_Renic]

First they came for the em dash and I did not speak out. Then they came for the Oxford comma…

[fawn @fawnncel]

april fools Never made sense to me why would you start off a beautiful month with a day of trickery . Just makes no sense. Why not call it april loves. April joys. April smart person

[Dave Itzkoff @ditzkoff]

Now imagine you're an apple, a pear, a plum, a strawberry, an orange, a cake, an ice cream, a pickle, cheese, salami, a lollipop, a cherry pie, a sausage, a cupcake, a watermelon, or a green leaf.

Not so happy, is it