Emerson Blank

Registered Sex Pretender

[Emerson Blank @emerswhite]

It must be super hard being a cop that’s also a bro because you gotta arrest all these bros for just bein bros -martin Luther king sr

[Emerson Blank @emerswhite]

Crazy to think that the dudes from home alone were most likely robbing that house to buy meth

[Emerson Blank @emerswhite]

Bit of a wake up call when I’m hitting on chicks at the bar and they ask how old I am and I respond with a cheeky “forever 21 babe” but they’re too young to remember forever 21 -this is gonna be a fun relevant tweet in a couple years

[emerswag @emerswag]

I’m watching The Replacement on a motel TV and I just saw the scene where the Orlando Jones gets a touchdown and pretends the ball is a gun and proceeds to shoot all his teammates, the sideline photographers and then himself

[emerswag @emerswag]

Nic cage should’ve won an Oscar for that scene in gone in 60 seconds where he pretends to be a rich guy

[Emerson Blank @emerswhite]

U can’t fool me Tim Hortons commercial I know your new food item isn’t gonna be good no matter how good you make it look

[Emerson Blank @emerswhite]

I am @emerswag

[Emerson Blank @emerswhite]

I use edibles like cyanide capsules im if I’m out drinking with the fellas on a work night and starting to have too much fun. 45 minutes after one of those bad boys and the thought of human interaction makes me dizzy

[Emerson Blank @emerswhite]

I be banging so hard it make the bitches Apple Watch call the police to inform them you’ve potentially been in a car accident

[Emerson Blank @emerswhite]

Just got my booster so if I die from a heart attack within the next few days it won’t have anything to do with all the cocaine and fentanyl in my system

[Emerson Blank @emerswhite]

I cant respect anyone who puts pots and pans in the dishwasher (the last 3 girls i have lived with)

[Emerson Blank @emerswhite]

Time to get LIIT
LONG
ISLAND
ICED
TEAS

[Daniel Cormier @dc_mma]

But am I really? Or am I calling the fight as I see it and you just don’t see it the same way? Am I bias because I don’t agree with how you watch the fight? Or maybe I see things your untrained eye doesn’t ?

[Emerson Blank @emerswhite]

Emotionally I'm Peter Benton practicing kung-fu for the intro of ER

[Emerson Blank @emerswhite]

The amount of times iv slammed on the brake pedal with my left foot in this car thinking it was a clutch today is wild

[Emerson Blank @emerswhite]

Its dark and hell is hot

[Emerson Blank @emerswhite]

@gailsimmons can get it #topchefseason13

[Emerson Blank @emerswhite]

A stranger honestly just asked me if I wanted to trade my ray ban aviators for his white Oakley's I almost called the police

[Emerson Blank @emerswhite]

I just ate a HEAVY 530am edible then watched Monster's Ball for the first time ever and honestly what the fuck

[Emerson Blank @emerswhite]

Getting dumped and being sober has to be the most difficult thing I have ever had to do