Emily Rose

I didn't want to say anything, but....

[Emily Rose @emgems]

@Jake_Vig For you, since you asked, I recommend writing a book. If you read a book that was made into a movie, everyone knows you have to immediately say, Hmmm the book was better. Given my recommendation, do you want to be the author or the director?

[Emily Rose @emgems]

@Divergentmama Because nobody knows my real name

[Simon Holland @simoncholland]

Named my cart at Walmart, Mario, and just threw a pumpkin at another shopper.

[Simon Holland @simoncholland]

I like the name iPad but auto-parent would have worked too.

[Simon Holland @simoncholland]

Don't let those Christmas lights still hanging there get in the way of putting a wreath made of Easter eggs on your door.

[Simon Holland @simoncholland]

One time I got on an elevator and told the person standing by the buttons what floor I needed then noticed my side had buttons too.

[Simon Holland @simoncholland]

You know how many beers and tacos I've had so far today? None.
None beers and none tacos so pardon me if I seem a bit snippy.

[Emily Rose @emgems]

New trend idea

Attach a YouTube link of the "nails scrapping on a chalkboard" sound to Every nail art pic posted to Instagram

[Emily Rose @emgems]

Beautiful Piece of poetry @TyLabine. Masterful Play on words.

[Johnny Castle @BlueDream_2008]

What's that thing called again when you're drunk?

[Chef @vulcan_kelly]

"Your not the fucking boss of me"

-Me whispering to my boss

[DaddyJew @DaddyJew]

In my defense your honor, fuck that guy

[Saertje @SaertjeMirror]

I love you, now change.

[Amanda hugnkiss @caliluvgirl77]

Just once I want someone on Family Feud to tell their family member that their answer was stupid as fuck.

[Noodles @Dawn_M_]

[having sex]

Does this mean you like me?