emgowie

See you in another life, brother

[emgowie @emgowie]

Do you know how much money I would pay to have Bill Belichick tell me to “shut the fuck up”?

[emgowie @emgowie]

@BrayCoach @DudespostingWs I can assure you as her Maid of Honor, she was not pissed lol she loved it but was in a state of shock as to where they magically appeared from

[emgowie @emgowie]

@UMassAmherst I am once again embarrassed and disappointed to be affiliated with you and your lack of character. Have some moral standing and pay this man what you owe him!!!

[Collin Rugg @CollinRugg]

NEW: UMass student wins $10,000 during a halftime competition only to be notified that the school's insurance partner wouldn't be paying him because his "foot was on the line."

Horrible marketing for this insurance company 😂

Senior Noah Lee needed to make a lay-up, free throw, three-pointer, and then a half-court shot to win $10,000.

After making the shots, Lee was notified one day later that the "insurance partner" who allegedly sponsored the challenge wouldn't be paying him the money.

"The half-court shot is disqualified because you were not behind the line," Lee was told.

Instead, they gave him a gift card and a "swag bag."

[marmot @MarmotRespecter]

i went to the gay apparel store and they said you already donned everything

[Heidi N. Moore @moorehn]

how did they find the ONE guy whose skin glows when he wears orange

[Colleen @Coll3enG]

If I could recommend anything to young women it’s to stay single at 19. I do not know a single woman who had a good experience with a man at 19. Just stay in your home and learn to bake it is better than whatever will happen to you romantically at 19

[emgowie @emgowie]

I tried my very best to but it didn’t work @nothingnowhere

[Armand Domalewski @ArmandDoma]

Taliban fighter becomes disillusioned with the regime because he now has a 9-5 e-mail job and traffic sucks lmao

[emgowie @emgowie]

@TomBrady wouldn’t change, like, not even a couple things? Love you though 💕

[NYTimes Vows @NYTvows]

"I married my best friend," gushed the bride, standing next to 6 women who spent $8K apiece to support & celebrate her in that life event.

[emgowie @emgowie]

@jzux people who keep wild reptiles in their house as pets and feel a connection to them are an actual threat to other people in society

[emgowie @emgowie]

@cvspharmacy just got my coupons and you’re officially in your flop era

[emgowie @emgowie]

Hasn’t Beyoncé named everything she’s ever made “Renaissance”? Girl leaked this herself in 2011

[emgowie @emgowie]

In disbelief that filling out bubbles on Scantron sheets in a closed down library operated by retired people sleeping at the front desk didn’t keep the United States government from rescinding our rights! We’ll get ‘em next time though!!! #vote!

[emgowie @emgowie]

Boring husbands love writing on Facebook “if you see this girl today, make sure to wish her a happy birthday!” like their wives will be on an arena world tour that day and not at her cube at Fidelity

[Golden State Warriors @warriors]

Steve Kerr on today's tragic shooting in Uvalde, Texas.

[emgowie @emgowie]

@drob555 Jonny Ballgame with the huge upset

[emgowie @emgowie]

Refuse to fly out of any “memorial” airport. I mean taking off from an establishment commemorating people who have died just can’t be a good starting point

[MonsterKing @CerromeRussell]

I'm 41 now. If I take my shirt off at the club I'm having a cardiovascular event. Please call the EMTs