There are crowds moving around me.
My mom is talking into my ears.
But all sounds are just ringing noises.
My head feels heavy. I can feel my strength slowly leaving my body.
I can't concentrate on anything, but the piece of paper in my hand.
It's an A4 size print paper. On there's a handwritten note. It's printed with black ink with an 'official message', and passed out to over 60 people daily at this facility.
Honestly, there's nothing special about this piece of paper.
Yet it's sucking me into the deepest hole of despair.
Every strand of my emotion is twisted by this piece of paper.
"Based on review, you do not qualify for a Travelers Visa."
I try to keep my composure.
I try to ignore the turning in my stomach,
so the tears don't come up to my eyes.
But the voice in my head is echoing louder and louder:
Is this it?
8 years of life built going down the drain?
Did I really fail my American dream?
I'm standing on the street outside of the U.S.A. Consulate in Hong Kong,
kind of just frozen.
This is the story of how I was forced to leave the life I strived for in America after 8 years.
▼▼▼
Flashbacks started to zoom through my mind.
8 years ago, I moved to America with an American dream to pursue a life as an artist and a creative.
My company couldn't sponsor my work Visa, so I packed my life of 8 years into 3 suitcases and flew back to China.
I had to leave my American dream.
To be honest, I did not completely lose hope until this moment of rejection––
I can only feel my heart-wrenching.
My mind feels like tangled ropes.
I hold up my phone to text the news to family members.
Every time I press "send", shame comes over me, telling me how pitiful I am.
▼▼▼
Afterward, I returned home to live with my mom after 8 years of absence.
Days turned into weeks, and I blamed and felt sorry for myself. I felt devoid of hope. The door had been shut in my dreams, and I could not dare to knock on it again.
But deep within me,
there was that yearning to knock.
But the path feels uncertain. I've never imagined anything outside of art and design, my lifelong passions.
Then one day, I remembered my childhood love for education.
Curiosity kindled my hope. This can be my opportunity.
Perhaps, I thought, I should just go for it.
Start from being a student again.
Yet, the thought of it was intimidating.
I didn't have any experience in that domain, and I frankly questioned whether I could even secure an opportunity to start anew.
▼▼▼
One day, my mom dragged me out to a breakfast spot to get some natural light.
We ordered food. I had this crumpled paper with a bunch of half-baked ideas scribbled on it.
I go, "If I go into the education field, this research topic right here got me curious."
Mid-noodle-sip, my mom looks me dead in the eye and says, "That's a solid question, you're onto something!"
I sat up, feeling all inspired.
"Hold on, I've got another one!"
My eyes practically popped out as I jotted down more notes.
Let's zoom out:
Just a regular Monday morning, me and mom, chomping down $3 noodle soup. There's nothing going on in life. But within those scribbles, a new dream started brewing.
This most ordinary moment became a moment that changed my life.
By the time we left, that paper was filled in, front and back.
I felt my shame and doubt making way. With my mom's simple belief in me, I felt I could make those choices:
I AM LOST.
But maybe it's about working towards something.
Despite an empty stomach, my head was buzzing with ideas.
▼▼▼
I got knee-deep in apps and tests in the next 2 months. I applied to 3 education grad programs I admired.
And it was not sunshine and rainbows.
I got the dreaded "no" from 2 of them. Every email felt heavier.
One morning, an email from my dream school Columbia University popped up.
Heart racing, last shot ––I took a long breath and 5 minutes to open it up and...
"Congrats! Full ride."
It was a joyous moment that meant everything I came to believe about myself.
Fast forward 2 years, I'm a grad, charting a new path, and on my way to citizenship.
▼▼▼
This is a story of me starting anew. This is also a story of me finding power in carving my path.
But it's a story for you too.
You, feeling powerless in your current situation.
You, who couldn't catch that first dream.
You, anxious about your next move.
You, feeling shamed of lost time.
You, losing hope.
I want you to understand:
If you feel lost, take a leap of faith.
if you can't chase your first dream –– it's okay.
Starting from scratch –– it's okay.
Chase new dreams –– when one door shuts, another opens.
when you look back, you may find a better version of who dared.
And if one person loves and believes in you along the way,
Treasure that strength.
Use it and make your choice.
@therealskymoney @bretterik Drago, you have to check out Brett Erik.
He brings the wholistic approach to succeeding in the creator economy - with systems and evidences to back up.
This week @ 𝟵𝗽𝗺 𝗣𝗧 / 𝟭𝟮𝗽𝗺 𝗘𝗧, we're chatting about Youtube Strategies today. 🎙️
Mark your calendar, set a reminder, and invite your friends:
https://t.co/VKIgpRaKvA
When you choose who to educate your kid, you choose their future interests.
When you choose who your kid is friends with, you choose their future behavior.
When you choose who your kid follows online, you choose their future thoughts.
𝗠𝘆 𝘀𝘁𝘂𝗱𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝘀𝗮𝗶𝗱 𝗬𝗘𝗦 𝘁𝗼 𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗱𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗺 𝘀𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗼𝗹.
She said it was a long-time dream that came true.
Witnessing this is my greatest gift.
Now I get to see her onto the next chapter.