Emma Horowitz

High School English Teacher over the school year, Athletic Director by summer. Saving up to own a food truck by day, and be a stand up comedian by night.

[Emma Horowitz @emmawitz617]

The @Patriots better win, it’s not even because I’m a Pats fan but because I simply can’t handle my principal and students being in the WORST mood, and me being like “and last class we left off on page 148 where Norman Bowker circled the lake while suffering from PTSD.”

[Emma Horowitz @emmawitz617]

Can’t stop thinking about my female student today who told me she wears a size 12 men’s shoe

[Emma Horowitz @emmawitz617]

Honestly kinda rude of Travis and Taylor to get engaged the day before students arrive back at school because now that’s all they’re going to be talking about and bugging about and not complimenting me on how tan I am or the fact that I’m engaged.

[Emma Horowitz @emmawitz617]

@robertkelly @empirecomedyme Room for Improvement for drinks (best espresso martini) & red hot dog, Mash Tun for beers & late night food, Dutch’s for a bomb breakfast, Salvatore’s for an unreal sandwich & in Howies dive bar (order early), Terlingua for unreal tacos. Hang w/ my fiance & huge fan @Chad

[Emma Horowitz @emmawitz617]

Just heard someone refer to a girl who is a compulsive liar as “someone with stage 4 liabetes” and I will never refer to a liar as anything else.

[Emma Horowitz @emmawitz617]

@kanyewest That’s so weird, because I am not a manager nor in the streaming services nor even the slightest bit wealthy, and I am still extremely offended by someone wearing a swastika.

[Emma Horowitz @emmawitz617]

Just had a student come in and ask for some bookmarks, so I got so excited she was reading and needed some! Turns out she just uses them for spacing out her art projects and that’s why she wanted it…no reading involved. Let me just go fuck myself

[Emma Horowitz @emmawitz617]

Annoying the shit out of my mom asking her if she thinks everyone in the airport is thinking about how tan I am

[Emma Horowitz @emmawitz617]

Just a PSA and friendly reminder that “a part” and “apart” have two completely separate meanings and purposes…just letting everyone know

[Emma Horowitz @emmawitz617]

What’s wild about making friends as an adult is like you only know these people in one part of their lives. Like I made this friend who I love and have so much in common with and three months into the friendship I learn she competitively tap dances which like…no.

[Emma Horowitz @emmawitz617]

Oh, you were wondering how I spent my Friday? Nothing really, just bought the subscription for a high school sports center to spend three hours watching my students’ games. I can’t believe this is how I spend my Fridays…paying for and watching high school basketball.

[Emma Horowitz @emmawitz617]

I say this with no exaggeration…one of the worst things as a teacher, is when you wake up on a Sunday morning to snow, knowing that if it just held out one more fuckinggggg day you’d have a snow day or at least a delay, but now you have nothing except you have to clean your car.

[Emma Horowitz @emmawitz617]

Humbled af tonight…requested two people on instagram and they accepted and didn’t request to follow me back…

[Emma Horowitz @emmawitz617]

I’d say one of my biggest teaching career mistakes was not becoming a PE teacher.

[Emma Horowitz @emmawitz617]

All of my students better be nice to me tomorrow for Rosh Hashanah

[Emma Horowitz @emmawitz617]

Did you guys know that this stress is taking a toll on Sydney’s body? #TheBachelor

[Emma Horowitz @emmawitz617]

Aaron trying to give John Henry one last signal to get out before they separate as a group for good. #BachelorInParadise

[Emma Horowitz @emmawitz617]

Cat relating to John Henry talking about being in a wet suit #BachelorInParadise

[Emma Horowitz @emmawitz617]

It’s been 5 minutes, Rachel’s sobbing and I’m still thinking about Taylor walking up to get Jess’s rose when she said Tanner. #BachelorInParadise

[Emma Horowitz @emmawitz617]

I heard nothing of Mercedes and Tyler’s conversation, I was too busy staring at his earring #bachelorinparadise