Emily

it’s always lit when ur an English major. She/Her. leftie by all standards.

[Emily @emmmyjoy]

it comes with zero shock that Starbucks denied my request for a raise to match that of a seven year employee, because I quit and came back 16 months later. I make the base level supervisor pay. I am simultaneously the least paid supervisor at my store and the most experienced.

[Emily @emmmyjoy]

my toxic trait is thinking I could go on the great British baking show and win.

[shar @sharloola]

i’ve been forced to watch some football recently and i really think they should consider editing the matches to have confessionals from the players like in reality tv shows. would be way more interesting

[Ron Iver @ronnui_]

We are officially in Spotify Wrapped no-man's-land. You can listen to absolutely whatever you want without for 31 days and it's completely off the record. It's like The Purge but for listening to Crazy Frog.

[sayna .*ೃ @OCEANGlRL]

Girlies entering the age 23 ….. yes it will be the worst year of ur life but after the biggest flop comes the biggest slay and you are the caterpillars entering the cocoon to hatch in the almighty age of 24

[Emily @emmmyjoy]

@caitiedelaney these two are constantly switching spots

[Ernie Groceries @popespeed]

@NickTagliaferro

[latke @latkedelrey]

i like how people on the internet think an intrusive thought is just when a thought pops into your head

[Sophie Frances Kemp @sophiefkemp]

in the mid 20s liminal space where if u entertain dinner guests half the people r gonna bring a $30 bottle of natural wine and beautiful salad the other half are going to bring themselves and the largest bag of flamin hot cheetos u have ever seen

[big sister @shotheekwe]

Last year, my sister gave birth to the youngest baby in our family. They are the sixth baby born to mothers who traditionally parent children.

I named them, I gave them a name that will help them through their life. We celebrated their arrival and welcomed them with our 1/

[Fifty Shades of Whey @davenewworld_2]

Whoever bought that Eli Lilly blue check has to hold the title for spending the most consequential $8 in modern human history

[Oklahoma Department of Wildlife Conservation @OKWildlifeDept]

not telling anyone if I win the lottery but there will be signs,

[Noah Kahan @NoahKahan]

I have stumbled upon a very negative review of my album and have decided to cope with my hurt feelings I’m going to play 55 sold out shows

[Shaun Johnson @ShyBucketGetter]

I went to gay loser land and they said you’re like a God to them

[Mike 📺 @michaelcollado]

Finding out the role of Mr. Schue on Glee was written for Justin Timberlake makes so much sense. Like a puzzle piece in my brain I didn’t know was missing finally found.

[Ann Ledbetter @AnnLedbetter6]

The other day I attended a birth with a first year resident. No one counted to 10 or yelled “PUSH!” We sat with our hands in our laps and waited for the baby to emerge. She didn’t tear. I wonder what birth would be like if more doctors got low-risk birth training from midwives.

[cats being weird little guys 👅 @weirdlilguys]

happy scorpio szn

[gracie @qrracie]

Received this at my grandmas funeral. What an icon.

[Matthewせいじ @matthewseiji]

Medieval peasant [staring at my phone]: I understand this tweet just fine

Me: …and the Dorito?

Medieval peasant [crunching]: It’s alright