elimy

[turbomander @turbomander]

me: i just miss her, you know? its been so hard since she left. i dont know if i can ever be happy again
my hedgehog best friend mitch hedhog: a toothpick saw me walking in the forest yesterday and said "damn it, I didn't know there was a bus"
me: *smiling* thanks mitch hedhog

[matt @mattybtweets69]

You have such a way with worms

[𝗮𝗻𝗱𝘆 𝘃𝘀. @im_all_id]

You should be able to rev your shopping cart at people in the grocery store

[bro @scrungeonmaster]

i don’t want to be dramatic or center the narrative around myself but genuinely what am i supposed to eat now

[demi adejuyigbe @electrolemon]

sinning extra hard tonight so i don’t get raptured tomorrow. too many movies i gotta see. they’re doin avatar again

[x_c4tb0y_x @vampiric_shirin]

last night was so bagel… #Everything

[the heart @Fredward3948576]

Every morning my shell is cracked and I am poured onto a hot skillet, then the Scrambling begins

[jonk ! @ThefirstJonk]

Oh so no death cab for ugly? Ugly has to walk?

[johnny🪿 @kudosdunce]

wow that’s a great question I wasn’t expecting that question

[jessica @jvssixa489]

these are the kinda stupid bits me and my sister do btw

[MoonPie @MoonPie]

Effective immediately

[greg @gurreggg]

Whoever coined the term coined the term coined the term coined the term

[rax ‘levon honkers’ king @RaxKingIsDead]

i want to be exactly rich enough to buy a spacious, perfectly organized kitchen, where i’m not forced to stack all my pots and pans in a psychologically unmanageable way. and no richer

[s @superskrong]

U don’t need a tiktok replacement when we got the Subway™️ app. I be on there goin crazy. Sandwiches straight off the top of the dome. Chipotle pepperoni tuna melt. Sweet onion BLT. Toasted. U don’t even gotta order the shit.

[erin @ratsnotagain]

there are kikis and boubas everywhere for those with eyes to see

[josh (oldfriend99) @oldfriend99]

Something don don me the other day

[wet dog @russianmomm]

checking my bank account to see how ethical i want to be with my egg purchase

[im ave @tsve_]

they’re putting me through the penny flattening machine at the zoo