Milton Custard

Life is an endless confrontation with weasels, which will cost you plenty

[Milton Custard @endlessjoe]

You’re either listening to Steely Dan in the shower WITH me or you’re listening to Steely Dan in the shower AGAINST me. There is no in between

[Milton Custard @endlessjoe]

Was having thoughts of self-harm, but “Reelin’ in the Years” by Steely Dan was stuck in my head at the same time so they were all kinda quirky and fun

[Mike Abrusci @mikeabrusci]

If I bought this on accident I would react in a way that would make the local news

[Skurt Vonnegut @ThisLocalHater]

The neighborhood teens are calling me unc just because I'm wearing a wooden barrel with suspenders

[Milton Custard @endlessjoe]

Yes, I’m a deeply haunted man bleeding from mysterious wounds. But, that doesn’t mean I don’t like to party

[Milton Custard @endlessjoe]

Anyone displaying talent greater than mine in any way is AI

[Will Sennett @Senn_Spud]

(after getting my ass kicked) there is nothing more pathetic than kicking someones ass

[josh (oldfriend99) @oldfriend99]

Wasting your entire life can feel daunting. Just focus on wasting one hour at a time and you'll get there

[Milton Custard @endlessjoe]

I read The Iliad on the toilet in one sitting

[Milton Custard @endlessjoe]

Everything I have ever done in my life is cringe

[draga 🇭🇳 @sidewinderloops]

found a gem in my yt feed today

[barrel rolls @barrel_rolls]

don’t be like that your honor

[Milton Custard @endlessjoe]

It’s funny having a Cajun wife and hearing her call our son “bruh”

[Milton Custard @endlessjoe]

Meteorologists should give a three day forecast on how long The Horrors will persist

[kelly @BoyYeetsWorld]

I would’ve given airbud CTE before I let him score on me

[Milton Custard @endlessjoe]

Wanna come over to my place and peruse my collection of orbs?

[Milton Custard @endlessjoe]

I don’t think the world would be this shitty if Steve Irwin was still alive

[Milton Custard @endlessjoe]

It’s a dark day for dudes whose sense of humor peaked in 2006

[carl 🥦 @NightlifeMingus]

they should take another hour every night until there’s no more time. let’s wrap things up

[saddy mayonnaise @saddymayo]

Alfred, fetch me my bathing toaster