janette 🕺

the only pilot of this goddamn plane ! relapsing after 3 years recovered // 158cm // bmi : 16.6 👎 no gbmi cause i know it's never enough! 23 yo !

[janette 🕺 @entropydiaries]

all threads will be down this way ⬇️

[janette 🕺 @entropydiaries]

i hope the can of beans for dinner does something. it's carbs i should be feeling better soon

[janette 🕺 @entropydiaries]

i am going to pass out

[janette 🕺 @entropydiaries]

i keep writing more but it's not coherent so i will just press "post all" rn leaving it at at i'm sorry i am weak and stupid

[janette 🕺 @entropydiaries]

i am going to pass out

[janette 🕺 @entropydiaries]

the stand comparing the macros for 5 minutes (she hates when i do this but i can't help myself) but not ONE set was perfect enough so we left with nothing. wasted everyone's time. 🫡

dinner was this on the other hand. i hope my muscles feasted on that protein it was abt time lol

[janette 🕺 @entropydiaries]

i stupidly admitted to my mother that i was craving sushi yesterday, so she said she would get me some. i told her i wouldnt let her choose a set for me, so we'd/she'd have to go to the store twice. we had an argument over it, but in the end she agreed. then i stood in front of

[janette 🕺 @entropydiaries]

i am normal and i am healthy, i say as i get upset over the fact that my acnh character looks extra chubby to me this morning

[janette 🕺 @entropydiaries]

bmi 16.6 mmmmmh bmi < 16 is soon. well not soon enough but soon

[janette 🕺 @entropydiaries]

41.4 kilograms this morning

[janette 🕺 @entropydiaries]

to be fair i was out of benzos/sleeping pills for the first time in like. 3 weeks maybe, maybe longer (i dont remember cause. benzos lol) so the whole night has been A Fight for some sleep. maybe my body was just in a little tiny bit of withdrawals. surely

[janette 🕺 @entropydiaries]

i had a weird/borderline scary dream that i woke up from at 4:30am feeling like my heart was pounding but when i checked it was 54bpm

[janette 🕺 @entropydiaries]

i felt like this for an hour before i could fall alseep again. idk i think i've been having chest pains. thinking/feeling my heart pounding but when i check it's actually. not doing that. maybe i'm just anxious

[janette 🕺 @entropydiaries]

i had a weird/borderline scary dream that i woke up from at 4:30am feeling like my heart was pounding but when i checked it was 54bpm

[janette 🕺 @entropydiaries]

guilty of everything forever

[janette 🕺 @entropydiaries]

i feel guilty for laughing so much this evening but i truly had a good time with my monthly tiktok allowance it cheered me up. people are funny. it felt nice but now i feel kinda guilty for feeling... well good feelings

[janette 🕺 @entropydiaries]

sometimes fasting sometimes 800/900 with my one monthly b/p i kinda struggled (i think ??) getting all of the way back up so when i say average i do mean average over 30 days, i'm too inconsistent. my eating is too influenced by my emotions to be a true routine even w/ my Rules

[janette 🕺 @entropydiaries]

so yeah yeah with an average tdee of 1400 that means my average intake was 600 kcal a day it's not wonder i feel *like that*

[janette 🕺 @entropydiaries]

i was in something like a 24k something kcal deficit this month then (well 29 days). something like an average of a +800 kcal deficit every day 🫡 with barely any exercise i think it is okay. i am okay. i feel okay. let's keep it up !

So, 39kg/bmi 15.6 by May 1st it is !

[janette 🕺 @entropydiaries]

i was in something like a 24k something kcal deficit this month then (well 29 days). something like an average of a +800 kcal deficit every day 🫡 with barely any exercise i think it is okay. i am okay. i feel okay. let's keep it up !

So, 39kg/bmi 15.6 by May 1st it is !

[janette 🕺 @entropydiaries]

42kg smack dab this morning ! with some severe water retention i can see in my face (dunno why) so maybe even lower but marking it down as officially 16.8 bmi on April 1st just like i had promised. 🫶

[janette 🕺 @entropydiaries]

i think i managed to get a reliable reading on my weight this morning which puts me at 45 kilograms smack dab. i hate it so much. bmi 18.1 my ass i'm so big jesus christ. why did i agree to gaining weight whyyyyyyy did i really think i could go back to how i was before i relapsed

[janette 🕺 @entropydiaries]

@bleedlex congraaaaaaaats !!!

[janette 🕺 @entropydiaries]

my mother is so drunk it is stressing me out but i feel like a hypocrite. what a dumb cycle we've been in for more than a decade. i dont eat so she gets stressed and drinks and she drinks so i get stressed and i don't eat. looooool

[janette 🕺 @entropydiaries]

just two days tho i will eat something tomorrow. i swear, i think. i feel too much like shit. i just want to see my weight tomorrow morning without food in my intestines i want to see the real thing only i'm already scared thag what i ate on sunday hasnt left me yet

[janette 🕺 @entropydiaries]

i think the kids call it accidental fasting