Wood-E

when i was 13 i had my first love there was nobody that compared to my baby and nobody came between us nor could ever come above

[Wood-E @epic_clapton]

im drunk in a hooters right now and i just gave the waitress my credit card number im getting that warm fuzzy feeling in my belly again

[Wood-E @epic_clapton]

@Kishlayvatsyaya @NotJosephGarcia My boss!

[Alden González @Alden_Gonzalez]

Shohei Ohtani is close to getting off the mound again. Before October, the Dodgers hope he can face hitters.

On his pursuit of the impossible, and the attention to detail that makes those around him believe he can pull it off again …

https://t.co/JidCMj2CjU

[Wood-E @epic_clapton]

at the baseball game pacing up and down the bleachers in plainclothes, emptyhanded but shouting "hot dogs! get ya hot dogs heah!"

[Wood-E @epic_clapton]

they keep feeding me desserts that are so weird

[Wood-E @epic_clapton]

banning smartphones leads to -2 bullying LFG

[Jay Van Bavel, PhD @jayvanbavel]

Banning #smartphones in over 400 schools led to:
-decreased psychological symptoms among girls by 29%
-decreased bullying by boys and girls by 43%
-increased GPA among girls by .08 SDs
Effects were larger for girls from low SES families https://t.co/hq513NtAop

[Bill Peebles @billpeeb]

"an alien blending in naturally with new york city, paranoia thriller style, 35mm film"

Video generated by Sora.

[Wood-E @epic_clapton]

had a dream about a bartender named Yardstick

[Wood-E @epic_clapton]

The fuzz won't—can't, really—arrest you for exercising your first amendment rights and firing off a few X's and re-X's from behind the wheel.

[Wood-E @epic_clapton]

ive drank two gallons of apple juice today and my vision is starting to get fuzzy

[Wood-E @epic_clapton]

the cops should start hiring people with no arms

[Wood-E @epic_clapton]

satan makes his dwelling in Toms Watch Bar in minneapolis minnesota and casts an insidious energy over the grounds there. he whispers to me through the mouths of the wait staff

[catie is cancelled @your__midnights]

btw The Tortured Poets Department is for the eldest daughters, the “pleasures to have in class”, the parentified children, the friend everyone goes to but no one really checks on, the one who listens to your story when everyone else lost interest. in case you were wondering

[Wood-E @epic_clapton]

i hate when my parents beg me to come back home to babysit The Creature while they enjoy a fancy steak dinner

[Wood-E @epic_clapton]

whether im pete buttigieg or king charles im always in diana

[Wood-E @epic_clapton]

i went here and everyone knew you

[Wood-E @epic_clapton]

at heart, he's a fantasy player

[Pat Thorman @Pat_Thorman]

This doesn’t help at all.

The “demon” didn’t just crush a single business, he put a black mark on an entire industry.

People who scream “rigged” when they lose now have something real to point at.

Spare everyone the tears for this guy, and the blaming a “demon” nonsense.

[Wood-E @epic_clapton]

save me pastrami sandwich save me...

[Wood-E @epic_clapton]

coffee girl complimented my outfit and said im always dressed to the nines im on mars rn

[Wood-E @epic_clapton]

in for 2024: newsboy caps

[Wood-E @epic_clapton]

fetch me that serum kitten. fetch me that potion bunny. retrieve that concoction dear. the elixir please, love.