Eric Asbery

[Naval @naval]

The problem with truth is, once you see it, you can’t unsee it.

[Whataburger® @Whataburger]

@ericasbery We'll always be here with our hot apple pies!

[Glenn Greenwald @ggreenwald]

I don't know what broke in the matrix, but watching John Bolton not only plead guilty to a felony but the specific felony he spent decades depicting as the most egregious -- calling for life imprisonment or execution for it -- is a level of karmic justice I didn't know existed.

[Eric Asbery @ericasbery]

@elonmusk But yet, no US State flag emojis for emphasizing this! 🇺🇸 ⭐️

[Ian Jaeger @IanJaeger29]

It’s a requirement to be born in America to be President.

It should also be a requirement to be born in America to be a federal judge.

[Selene Mariposa @Selene_Mariposa]

The World Cup has turned America into a discovery channel for the rest of the world.

And they are not handling it well.
In the best possible way.

Here is what they are discovering:

Free public restrooms. Europeans pay every time.
Free water at every restaurant. Just appears.
Free refills. Coffee. Sodas. Iced tea. Unlimited.
Free chips and salsa before you even order.
Free warm bread with dinner.
Ice in drinks like civilized people.
Air conditioning everywhere. Not a moral debate. A fact.
Parking lots attached to the actual place you are going.
Drive throughs where the food comes to the car while you sit in it.
Ranch dressing by the gallon.
Tex-Mex that cannot be explained only experienced.
Dental care that actually works.
Buccee’s. There are no words for Buccee’s.

Then they found the grocery stores.

Five of them within one mile.
Each one the size of an aircraft hangar.
Burgers. Steaks. Brisket. Ribs. Pulled pork. Lamb. Veal. Every cut of every animal ever domesticated by human civilization available in one refrigerated aisle at ten in the morning on a Tuesday.

The Germans stood in the meat section for forty five minutes.
In silence.
Processing.

They finally understand why we do not have trains.

We have roads wide enough for the cars we actually drive.
Parking lots the size of small European countries.
Airports in every city worth visiting.

Why would we need trains.

The Germans are taking ranch home by the bottle.
The Dutch found queso and briefly lost the ability to speak.
The Japanese are photographing HEB like it is the Louvre.
The Czechs are weeping in West, Texas.

Welcome to America.
Everything is free, enormous, air conditioned, comes with chips, and has five grocery stores within a mile that will sell you any cut of any animal you have ever imagined.

Write that down. 🦋

[Eric Asbery @ericasbery]

@def_leppar20044 Stone Cold Crazy

[Eric Asbery @ericasbery]

@DonaldJTrumpJr This gets my AGT Golden Buzzer 💫

[Eric Asbery @ericasbery]

@RealJamesWoods If you would consider writing a series of books that chronicles virtually any subject, along with @mikeroweworks , the universe would thank you. 💰

[Eric Asbery @ericasbery]

@timburchett …and yet @Whataburger has been there for us all this time. 🍎 🥧

[Eric Asbery @ericasbery]

@def_leppar20044 Ace Frehley’s “solo” KISS album. The best of them all. Every song is a banger!

[James Woods @RealJamesWoods]

A young Scottish girl who defended her sister from Muslim invader/predators has been vindicated by a British court. She should have a statue erected in her honor rather than have been charged in the first place. She has more heart than the leftist politicians destroying the UK.

[Eric Asbery @ericasbery]

Has anyone coined the descriptive “Insect Warfare” yet? New World Screwworm Flies and now Emerald Ash Borers? At least the naming conventions are colorful. 😑 Conspiracy Theorists activate!

https://t.co/u3DC2YjUaP

[Gad Saad @GadSaad]

This clip on YouTube is now at 2.3 million views.

[James Woods @RealJamesWoods]

Karen Bass, the destroyer of Los Angeles, has managed to unite all off my friends regardless of politics. We are all in agreement that she is the absolute worst. Yet half the city voted for more of her “needles, crime, and human shit”policies. Evidently there’s no fixing stupid.

[Eric Asbery @ericasbery]

@RealJamesWoods As a Texan, I really don’t want to invite more Californians here but, @RealJamesWoods we need your voice and presence here in the Lone Star State. Time to leave L.A. to its vices and help us get the wagons in a circle and save what remains. 🇺🇸

[Eric Asbery @ericasbery]

@elonmusk Thirteen’s a charm! 🚀

[James Woods @RealJamesWoods]

The Mayor of Charlotte is demanding people stop posting this reminder of the lovely innocent Iryna Zarutska butchered by a savage on Charlotte public transit. He was on probation by a liberal activist judge.

[Eric Asbery @ericasbery]

@TaraBull Who?