Eric Zapata Baltazar

[Eric Zapata Baltazar @ericzbaltazar1]

For a truly authentic NYC experience (up to and including: Retro Style 70's Brazen Daylight Mugging); please bypass Giuliani-e$que Gentrification n head out ta' muthf#*k!n "Urban" Space for a li'l sumn sumn "Playa" Bowls my "G"! @NYCMayor @GovKathyHochul

[Eric Zapata Baltazar @ericzbaltazar1]

"Al-VINNN!!" Climate Change has replaced the Ice Rink at Rockefeller Center with Roller Skating which will eventually morph into Dune Sledding and/or Nothingness Wafting unless we existentially act NOW!! ('Cos of CO2 levels the experts say.) @GretaThunberg #stolendreams

[Eric Zapata Baltazar @ericzbaltazar1]

New York, NY--(NPR)--(hushed whisper tone) Activist Donors to erect a Alvin Bragg statue blindfoldedly balancing the Scales of Justice betwixt hérr Chipmunk Cheeks. D.A. Bragg is the FIRST African American (fill in blank) to a nation COMPLETELY bereft of ANY said role models?

[Eric Zapata Baltazar @ericzbaltazar1]

(CNN)--Walterboro, SC: Jury Forewoman Hon. Emily Kohrs announces a NOT GUILTY double murder verdict upon the identifiable reason of insanity for Alex Murdaugh; due to the cumulative effects of Climate Change on South Carolina's Lowcountry, and his not always masking admittance.

[Eric Zapata Baltazar @ericzbaltazar1]

Vatican Radio--(AP)--@pontifex to order the solemn record/CD burning of ANY & ALL existing copies of Johann Sebastian Bach's antiquated Latin "Mass In B Minor" effective immediately. Co presiding "Vox Populi" Grand Wizards: Coy ét Vance Duke; cum refreshments per Nóvüs Coke.#doy

[Eric Zapata Baltazar @ericzbaltazar1]

You can't blame any @abcnews folk for involuntarily fulfilling any genitaliacally predisposed Darwinian "aptronyms" (name that aptly suits it's owner). Cos' T.J. is continuing the extensive legacy of John Holmes, and Amy always Robotically advances on her Bach. #badumpBUMP

[Eric Zapata Baltazar @ericzbaltazar1]

WTF--(AP)--Davros: The latest official Wallowers R Us/MuffingtonMoist poll numbers indicate a 69% consensus of bureaurats agree that the singular direct causation of "boiling oceans" emanate from the fic/dictive pollution of ONE bloviating bloated gas oven. @DoctorWho_BBCA @wef

[Eric Zapata Baltazar @ericzbaltazar1]

If someone from the PRC "takes it on the Chin" to work extra shifts/overtime at the Mandatory Mask factory (the one w/humane condition$); the CCP rewards their ambition though stock options/profit sharing w/potential for Hall Monitor promotion.#bathroompass #peelater #püpüplatter

[Eric Zapata Baltazar @ericzbaltazar1]

Due to the literal affects of "Man Made Climate Change"; The Rink at NYC's Bryant Park is out of commission for the forebodable future. (Insert random caked mud picture... HERE!!) #cryinggreta #interrupted #holydayfun #sadlittlegirl #giveher #alolly

[Eric Zapata Baltazar @ericzbaltazar1]

@DanSlott “Dr. Hu”. 😂👽

[Eric Zapata Baltazar @ericzbaltazar1]

POLITICO--(Jackson Hole, WY)-- "Heavy" refreshments (if you will) to be served at Rep. Liz Cheney's special onProfit fundraiser for loyal friends and donors in the con/she'entious fight against MAGA. Crude Oil Coffee, and Yellowcake Uranium to be offered for 93.06USD per saucer.

[Eric Zapata Baltazar @ericzbaltazar1]

https://t.co/EofGJnHULe In related news Pete Best, Andrew Ridgely and Margot Olivarra (orig. Go Go's), to join Dave Mustaine in the newly revised version of "Megadeth Two Point Ohh...!!" @TheGoGosDoc @whamuk @Megadeth

[Eric Zapata Baltazar @ericzbaltazar1]

MTV BREAKING NEWS--Liverpool, GB--10/5/2022: Upon the 60th anniversary of "Love Me Do"; Bernard Purdie conditionally agrees to "reunite" with The Beatles ONLY if they're quadruple masked, vaxxed, and pay him in acid. @thebeatles @BernardPurdie1

[Eric Zapata Baltazar @ericzbaltazar1]

CDC WARNING: New COVID variant "BA-5" origin emanates from the covert repatriation of United States Army Special Forces Sergeant /"B.A. Baracus"/after The Fall of Saigon. @MrT

[Eric Zapata Baltazar @ericzbaltazar1]

I'm all for social satire, but it was a li'l over the top and downright fallacious for straw man @alexstein99 to participate in the racist and sexist miscategorization of @AOC's "tortilla laden, burrito exiting, organic taco meat inundated DUMPY PIOUX-PEW BOX" on her way to work.

[Eric Zapata Baltazar @ericzbaltazar1]

Co-impresarios "Butch" Patrick and Holden Caulfield; phonily announce the meagerly awaited debut album "Pretending To Be Nice" from foke music's all-star supergroup: The Chicksy Di@ks!! "See You Next Tuesday" for a benefit concert at The City University of New Triborough York.

[Eric Zapata Baltazar @ericzbaltazar1]

Preferred Gender Pronouns (PGP) for post-term survivors of "Acute" Coat Hangered V@ginosis (ACHV) due to prenatally diagnosed/Advanced Cognitive Nongenital Retardation (ACNR): "it/cumstain/yuck". #fweedom #looselips #vaginalshits #coochiecoochiespew @SpeakerPelosi @JoeBiden @VP

[Eric Zapata Baltazar @ericzbaltazar1]

BREAKING NEWS--("Package" Jiggle TV)--French Guiana: On a very special episode of "Fantasy Island"; Mr. O' Rourke turns the tide on Tattoo, by fulfilling the fantasy of HIM being the annoyingly insensitive, li'l c%ckblocking INTERRUPTING PEST!! "Bossth, bossth: DA-PLANE!!"#PNN

[Eric Zapata Baltazar @ericzbaltazar1]

How many retired ex-staffers does it take, to 'unscrew-pulously' join the current White House Vice Presidential CARPOOL that meets at work?" @WhiteHouse @jackiemartling #nodoymcfly

[Eric Zapata Baltazar @ericzbaltazar1]

WASHINGTON DC--(AP)--"Science Denying" Walk of Shame: Raise your hand!? Who here thinks Kámal Toe is guilty of ha-BEEY@TCH-ually misplacing her naughty soiled facial nighties (tee-hee-hee), right before attending strategically scripted "All About the Kids!" photo ops? #nodoy

[Eric Zapata Baltazar @ericzbaltazar1]

Jen Psaki: "She DID just circle back from that particular Central Ęürapeon region sartorially known for inside out 'br@ün in žæ back ūnd y@l1ow in źæ fröntt' ØVERWEAR [sic]; hence...(cont) @madmagazine