esther james

The clumsiest and scattiest person you will ever meet

[esther james @esthermate]

@RadioX my absolute favourite James track. We should hear this more often! Very excited to see them play Cheltenham Racecourse next year. Esther xx

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

Five year old has really struggled with reading and writing. So we've made a lot of effort to help him. He went to his room and wrote with pen and paper for the first time today. First line was "I hate mummy and daddy".

[esther james @esthermate]

@blackcircles @meedja

[Blackcircles.com @blackcircles]

To mark the importance of Tyre Safety month, we're giving one lucky winner the chance to win a FREE set of Michelin Cross Climate tyres ✨

To enter:
🔸 Like, share & follow our page
🔸 Tag a friend below who needs a new set of tyres

[Ends Nov 1st]
See T&C's in our bio.

[esther james @esthermate]

@fesshole That's very sad. Just leave him. Life's too short

[esther james @esthermate]

@RadioX have you been Toby leroned Toby? Ben and Lyn?

[esther james @esthermate]

@RobDavy2 @oasis @TicketmasterUK Yep I'm still getting same issue

[esther james @esthermate]

@oasis @Ticketmaster @Twickets @viagogo going to do anything about this. Shameful

[esther james @esthermate]

Arrghh..no luck getting a presale code. Guess I'm in the lap of the general sale gods :-(

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

Worked in a slaughterhouse in my 20s. Now in my 40s & I'm still haunted by it. If everyone had to kill animals for their own meat I'm 100% certain there would be more veggies than meat eaters in the world.

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

A few years ago parcels kept going missing from my flats. I took a box, laid a huge dump in it, broken glass & added a label. Fake name "Thomas Hurd" (Turd). Fake address and return address & QR code, which read "Eat shit your robbing cunt". Left it outside. Next day it was gone.

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

Priest. I turn down occasional requests to do exorcisms. The church understands now that demonic possession is actually mostly mental illness. However, there was one case I referred to the Vatican. An 8 y/o catatonic girl speaking Latin in deep male voices. Still scares me.

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

I've never recovered from hearing my mum say to my dad "lick my farthole" when getting up for a wee in the middle of the night.

[esther james @esthermate]

@WhitchurchPE @whs_cardiff Well done!!

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

The last week has been a true testament to the security of our marriage. I shat the bed at the weekend and did not receive a word of judgement, just as I didn't pass judgement on her asking me to check her fanny for a blister. It's stuff like this that isn't in the vows.

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

Over the last few years I've sucked and wanked a lot of random cocks. And it amazes me how different they are. I get a lot of positive comments about my own cock and have now realised that actually it's pretty awesome compared to most. I'm not sure my wife knows how lucky she is.

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

After Dad died his neighbour accessed his garden and chopped his lovely cherry tree down without permission. Dad's garage had a bad mice problem. I humanely caught 50+ of them and posted them through his letterbox. He's just been on FB asking for local pest control companies.

[esther james @esthermate]

I nominate @corrieedwards78 who loves wychwood festival and has been for the last ten years. She is a fabulous hard working teacher and mum of 2 but finances mean she can't go this year. It would make her year if she could! @OctopusEnergy #OctoPlusOne

[esther james @esthermate]

I nominate @corrieedwards78 who loves wychwood festival and has been for the last ten years. She is a fabulous hard working teacher and mum of two but unfortunately things are tight this year and she can't stretch to a ticket. It would make her year if she could go!

[I Loves The ‘Diff @ILovesTheDiff]

What was most recently Gathering Ground, 12 Park Road, Whitchurch is soon to become Kegbelly, a craft beer and street food bar. It's a collaboration between @mr_croquewich and @flowerhornbrew, who got the keys today. Congrats and good luck.