Ethan Stern

[Ethan Stern @ethanmstern]

@DGlaucomflecken Peds ophth: "Now that this child is screaming, please make them extremely uncomfortable with bright lights and potential plastic projectile prisms"

[Ethan Stern @ethanmstern]

@miz_cracker @jujuboston So excited that we aren't the only ones putting out sweet a$$ channukah music

https://t.co/Pe8c9d04Y9

[Ethan Stern @ethanmstern]

Start Larry Donnell or Jason Witten? #FFNow

[Ethan Stern @ethanmstern]

@TMedWeb 6th floor Murphy Student lounge printer is not working, unfortunately. It needs a new "Cleaning Unit" and my ID isn't working

[Ethan Stern @ethanmstern]

@TMedWeb What is job processing? The printer in the Murphy student lounge has been doing this for maybe 20 minutes

[Ethan Stern @ethanmstern]

Complaint and compliant are the same to a dyslexic person

[Ethan Stern @ethanmstern]

Ill be disappointed if Tom Hanks turns out to be the only one on MH370, yet I know I'll get my package.

[Ethan Stern @ethanmstern]

Agape of wrath #springbreakbooks

[Ethan Stern @ethanmstern]

@cinemalins Would cold blooded murderers prefer hell? #zoology #unabletoregulatebodytemperature

[Ethan Stern @ethanmstern]

I pressed the sneeze button on my alarm this morning. Needless to say, I was alarmed when I woke up an hour late covered in mucus.

[Ethan Stern @ethanmstern]

Call me sexist, but I've never seen graffiti in the girl's bathroom.

[Ethan Stern @ethanmstern]

"I've been fucked by fucking." - Herman Cain (credit to @seanmalin)

[Ethan Stern @ethanmstern]

I don't like that twitter requires me to limit the amount of words to use per tweet. Sometimes, it prevents me from getting to the punchli

[Ethan Stern @ethanmstern]

@seanmalin But it's okay, since you never wanted to do anything. The question is: what should be the theme of my distracting tweets?

[Ethan Stern @ethanmstern]

Opened twitter for the first time in over two years. Maybe I should post something worthwhile? Frozen fruits make for easy great smoothies.

[Ethan Stern @ethanmstern]

@seanmalin I feel I deserve an @ symbol for my fault of post.

[Ethan Stern @ethanmstern]

Forgot about twitter till I got an email. Hooray internet.

[Ethan Stern @ethanmstern]

And I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more just to be the man who walked 1000 miles to fall down at your door

[Ethan Stern @ethanmstern]

At Camp, exhuasted, but going to a friend's house for my day off.

[Ethan Stern @ethanmstern]

@michaelarenson Zelda equals "huh?"