Evan Brandt

Describing words, family stuff, profession, more describing words, funny quip

[Evan Brandt @evanbran]

It’s 2020? Say it Ain’t So!

[Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien]

You kids won’t remember this, but back in my day we had to have someone come to our house to tell us what we listened to most on Spotify.

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Park Ranger Slips Fat Fish To Bear Before Gesturing Towards Littering Family He Wants Mauled https://t.co/wSu4OmXwj2

[Evan Brandt @evanbran]

https://t.co/rRAlrULqW5

[Evan Brandt @evanbran]

Until next year…

[Evan Brandt @evanbran]

@karluizballer When the one on SMParkway opened in ‘98, me and a buddy each ate a dozen before school. It was not pleasant. Constant pain for over half the day.

[Evan Brandt @evanbran]

@flamingt0_ast That glockenspiel case behind you belonged to my Antioch Middle School band director, Mr. Cornelsen

[The Onion @TheOnion]

This is breathtaking. https://t.co/kchuiS0S5S

[Evan Brandt @evanbran]

@garfield_l0ver AP exams are 1 day, 1 moment in time. You earned your A!

[Evan Brandt @evanbran]

@TadCarpenter Oh man I hope this isn’t the project I’m thinking it might be. Sorry to hear, Tad.

[Evan Brandt @evanbran]

@zach_setzkorn Zach bring me your AP Bio textbook

[Evan Brandt @evanbran]

@zach_setzkorn Irish lady

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Dismayed NASA Announces Massive Cargo Ship Stuck Between Earth And Moon https://t.co/wRc1rwGLqU

[Out of Context Pokémon @OoCPokemon]

the boat is stuck in the suez canal like

[The Onion @TheOnion]

‘Taco Bell For Life’ Winner Chooses To Receive Winnings As Single Lump Meal https://t.co/ai1urBo2Zs

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Anti-Jacketers Rally Outside Burlington Coat Factory To Protest Liberal Cold Weather Conspiracy https://t.co/v88WI8VC4P

[Tad Carpenter @TadCarpenter]

Happy 50% off candy day everyone.

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Ford Develops New SUV That Runs Purely On Gasoline https://t.co/1T3U95sQIo

[Adam Herman @AdamZHerman]

I am no longer impressed that Nicholas Cage managed to steal the Declaration of Independence.

[(parody) BILL NYE THO @Bill_Nye_Tho]

rt if all you want for christmas is for mfs to wear their mf mask correctly