Honest Exec Pastor

Changing the culture one P.O. at a time.

[Honest Exec Pastor @ExecHonest]

I realize we are paying for your online seminary courses but you can’t turn in a Taco Bell delivery receipt as a travel expenditure while studying from home. #thingsIactuallydealwith

[Honest Exec Pastor @ExecHonest]

Flipping back and forth between news channels and Nat Geo. One channel shows animals devouring each other for survival, while the other is airing Secrets of the Zoo North Carolina.

[Honest Exec Pastor @ExecHonest]

It’s that time of year again where the staff sets an unrealistic goal of giving, and the church people all pretend they care. #Budget2021

[Honest Exec Pastor @ExecHonest]

A lady came in to complain about our preachers kid and said he should be a representative of the church. She chose not to continue the conversation when I reminded her that his best friend is her kid and I have the security footage to prove it. #shortconvo

[Honest Exec Pastor @ExecHonest]

From here on out I will be selling access to our Pastor, henceforth to be referred to as “The Big Guy”. If you would like to meet with him you will need to make some large “gifts” to the new building fund.

[Honest Exec Pastor @ExecHonest]

Early voting this week at the deacons meeting about who will be the new chair. One candidate wants free childcare and unlimited communion wafers, while the other just want to make church great again by going to all hymns.

[Honest Exec Pastor @ExecHonest]

When I was a kid, “popping and locking” was a dance move; now a days I do it when I’m trying not to fall.

[Old Church Grump @OldChurchGrump]

Pastor is getting desperate. Keeps asking, "Can I get a Like, brothers and sisters?"

[Honest Exec Pastor @ExecHonest]

In the interest of more online content for our church, I propose that we do a good old fashioned Hymn Riff Off with the Church of Christ church down the street. #onlinechurch #Covid_19

[Honest Exec Pastor @ExecHonest]

My wife just complained that someone was sitting in her seat for church this morning. On another note, my oldest just got grounded. #onlinechurch

[Youth Group Boy @YouthGroupBoy]

People have been wearing masks at our church for years.

[Honest Exec Pastor @ExecHonest]

Preparing myself for mid-April by watching Contagion and the Hunger Games all in one night.

[Honest Exec Pastor @ExecHonest]

My Love Language is physical touch. My wife’s is gift giving. Things are not going well for either of us.

[Honest Exec Pastor @ExecHonest]

Pro Tip: during these uncertain times when you find out that a friend or colleague has been let go from their job, don’t let the first words out of your mouth when you come home be, “Hey honey, guess who got fired today?”

[Honest Exec Pastor @ExecHonest]

Me to Staff: All non essential spending is now frozen until further notice.

No one:

YP: Is it possible for me to buy t-shirts for the youth staff that say, “Corona who? #GodsGotThis

Me: please don’t make me answer you out loud. 🤬

[Honest Exec Pastor @ExecHonest]

Taking our cue from the NCAA, we are going to grant our senior adults an additional year of eligibility to complain about our new contemporary worship service. #wecare

[Honest Exec Pastor @ExecHonest]

Spent the day attempting to understand the CARES Act and how it will benefit the church; only to come home and realize my wife is far more complicated.

[Honest Exec Pastor @ExecHonest]

The biggest shock to everyone’s world today will be the moment their iPhone notifies them of their Screen Time report.

Conviction is about to get real!

[Honest Exec Pastor @ExecHonest]

Need a ruling. Since we are in the middle of a pandemic, are milk and cookies a suitable substitute for doing the Lord’s Supper at home?

[Honest Exec Pastor @ExecHonest]

Is there an appropriate time to send out an all church email to tell people to stop tagging me in Facebook post like this? Not funny after the 30th time. Wasn’t all that funny after the 1st.

[Small Church Pastor @SmallishChurch]

Part of me still hopes we can be together for Easter service. But the part of me that already ate all the candy out of the egg hunt eggs that people donated hopes that we don’t.