Old Church Grump

I'm old, rugged, and cross. Life was harder back in my day, and we liked it.

[Old Church Grump @OldChurchGrump]

There are no dumb questions, but there are plenty of inquisitive idiots.

[Chet Churchpain @Churchpain]

"Every Time a Bell Rings an Angel Gets His Wings."

That angel's got so many wings now.

[Chet Churchpain @Churchpain]

How do you tease a frog?

You rib it.

[Chet Churchpain @Churchpain]

If life gives you a lump of coal, have a barbeque.

[Old Church Grump @OldChurchGrump]

Them: Hi, how are you?

Me: Why do you need to know my age?

[Old Church Grump @OldChurchGrump]

The deaf ministry at our church is in charge of running the sound during worship.

[Chet Churchpain @Churchpain]

Cashier: Would you like to pay a dollar to end hunger?

Me: Only a dollar? Then why did I pay so much for everything else?

[Old Church Grump @OldChurchGrump]

The senior adults used to be so flattered when the worship guy would ask us what songs we liked.

Then we realized that they just used that list to know what not to sing anymore

[Old Church Grump @OldChurchGrump]

I like when they introduce a new new song. It gives us a break from the last new song they've been playing to death.

[Bad Church Secertary @ChruchSecretary]

Retweet if you are a voluntold for VBS this year.

[Old Church Grump @OldChurchGrump]

@MckayMetis still are.

[Old Church Grump @OldChurchGrump]

In the old days we had hymnals. It was a sad group of songs that we could pick our favorites out of and enjoy every single week. They would last for 50 years.

Today's churches don't like a song for more than 2 months. Those songs are just that bad.

[Old Church Grump @OldChurchGrump]

I'm at that age

[Bad Church Secertary @ChruchSecretary]

Sunday School Teacher: What is Easter about?

Students:

[Chet Churchpain @Churchpain]

How many unchurched people show up for a Passion Play only to be extremely disappointed that it wasn't what they expected?

[Anon Church Guy @MrChurchGuy]

It amazes me that with all that went on between the crucifixion and the resurrection that the Disciples found time for an Easter egg hunt.

[Former Mega Church @FmrMegaChurch]

The Lord answered last weeks prayer to get the money to make the church insurance payment!!

At prayer meeting tonight we will be focusing on praying for the giant tree to fall on the fellowship hall.

[Old Church Grump @OldChurchGrump]

When you get old, incontinence is the number one problem. Constipation is number two.

[Chet Churchpain @Churchpain]

*squints*

Does that say "imitate Jesus" or "irritate Jesus"? Because I think I've got that second one down.

[Chet Churchpain @Churchpain]

If someone is only 12.5% convinced God exists, they would be an Eighthiest.

[Bad Church Secertary @ChruchSecretary]

Me: I need some help around here.

Also Me: No! Not like that. You're going to mess it up and I'm going to have to do it again. Here, let me do that.