ian

I regret to inform you I have a podcast @apexadjacent.

[ian @eyerollsohard]

I can't believe this is real, but a book has been dedicated to me. It was written by my wife, @Jenc_P, and it's been 15 years in the making.

[ian @eyerollsohard]

Just firing Twitter back up to say to @elonmusk: "Eat shit, nerd."

[Aphex Twin Updates @shellyrealest]

I know this is aphex twin updates but jesus christ

[ian @eyerollsohard]

@elonmusk Get fucked

[ian @eyerollsohard]

We told the better angels of our nature to fuck off.

[The U.S. Capitol Police @CapitolPolice]

Our officers just arrested a man who was stopped during our screening process at the Capitol Visitor Center (CVC). The man smelled like fuel, had a torch & a flare gun.

The CVC is closed for tours for the day, while we investigate. We will provide more information when we can.

[James Austin Johnson @JAJCenter]

A little treat for the bobcats

[ian @eyerollsohard]

@TrumpWarRoom This account sure cut away from your damp boy pretty quick, huh? Is his "weave" not giving you much to work with tonight?

[ian @eyerollsohard]

@TrumpWarRoom 4 years ago we had refrigerator trucks full of bodies because Trump mismanaged the pandemic, so, uh, yeah. Much better thanks.

[ian @eyerollsohard]

@TrumpWarRoom Bold move to show up 3 hours late and claim you're the one who's on top of it, actually.

[ian @eyerollsohard]

@TrumpWarRoom

[Aaron Rupar @atrupar]

Trump is standing around while the Undertaker's whole ass theme plays

[ian @eyerollsohard]

When I was 10-12, I once used 2 VCRs to edit Top Gun so it was only fighter jets. So, yeah...

[Ryan Broderick @broderick]

All of the reporting on this study is a mess. It was 1,500 participants aged 10 to 24. It asked 13-24 year olds about sex in movies. It asked 10-13 year olds about "romance". Also, is this even that shocking. I remember being very bored by romance in movies when I was a teenager!

[follow @bencollins on bluesky @oneunderscore__]

Why are the questions I've seen from the people in this town hall — a farmer, a construction worker — considerably more straightforward and unafraid than any one I've seen from any debate moderator in this election cycle?

[Negin Farsad @NeginFarsad]

The Muslims are Coming… Swing State Invasion! Join me this Friday for FREE in Reading, PA with @jordancarlos, @GibranSaleem, and @joshgondelman for a night of comedy from your favorite Muslim (and not Muslim) comics! https://t.co/UvkZfYz0U8

[John Hodgman @hodgman]

The rules were you guys weren’t going to fact check.

[Russell Brand @rustyrockets]

It might seem a bit soon to be baptizing people, but the Apostles did it on day one, so here we are.

[ian @eyerollsohard]

"...a big necromancer, strong necromancer came up to me, tears in his eyes, sir, he said, 'sir, sleepy Joe won't let me raise the dead anymore, we need you back sir so I can reanimate comedians of yesteryear!' wow, I said, no one ever talks about that anymore."

[Acyn @Acyn]

Trump:The Tonight Show is dying. Bring back Johnny Carson.

[Acyn @Acyn]

Trump:The Tonight Show is dying. Bring back Johnny Carson.

[Acyn @Acyn]

Trump: I'm going to go to a McDonald's next week. I'm going to go to a McDonald's and I'm going to work the french fry job for about a half an hour. I want to see how it is..

[ian @eyerollsohard]

@edzitron 2016: Anthony Weiner sex scandal unfolds over weeks, hands Trump the election

2024: Everyone to the right of Mitt Romney revealed to be into underage group tentacle piss on one Thursday, polls are tied