FacetiousFemme

The inner monologue of a Jewish lesbian surviving university edited to a clean 240 characters and under.

[FacetiousFemme @facetious_femme]

The B stands for Beatrice

[Olivia @Olive____Garden]

What the fuck the B stand for then

[FacetiousFemme @facetious_femme]

Shout out to my ex for standing so far on the edge of the Friendsgiving photos I can easily crop her out

[FacetiousFemme @facetious_femme]

It’s like. Did u even go to Europe if it’s not on ur poopmap

[FacetiousFemme @facetious_femme]

When they said “Stay gold, Ponyboy” they were talking about his rank in League of Legends

[FacetiousFemme @facetious_femme]

Someone get @kathleenmadigan on the pager ASAP (not her brother Pat)

[FacetiousFemme @facetious_femme]

Instead of pronouncing “Arkansas” like “Kansas” pronounce “Kansas” like “Arkansas”

Can-Saw

[FacetiousFemme @facetious_femme]

*Listening to Johnny Cash* “they just don’t make songs about dying during the Hoover Dam construction anymore”

[FacetiousFemme @facetious_femme]

@DeepHouseSalad Grean

[FacetiousFemme @facetious_femme]

So far it has asked me for every single update (out of 93) if it’s ok to update on low power mode. I am not on low power mode.

[FacetiousFemme @facetious_femme]

I am modern day Icarus, hitting Update All on my iPhone 11

[FacetiousFemme @facetious_femme]

@keim_colleen My second semester at Pitt I went to a Papa Roach concert where they did a tribute to him and then immediately played “Last Resort”. Not much for tact

[FacetiousFemme @facetious_femme]

@ThePittNews Her: you’d have to pay me a million dollars
Pitt: that’s the best part!

[FacetiousFemme @facetious_femme]

@ThePittNews And I bet she thinks it’s a huge W for the girlies (tuition hike!!)

[FacetiousFemme @facetious_femme]

Literally lady Gaga what

[Adam Singer @AdamSinger]

Millennials have had not a single W as a generation. They just haven't. Financially hosed multiple times, 1st gen to have lower upward mobility, doomerism/nihilism widespread in culture, pop music all trash. Remote work by far our largest W. We must not let them claw that back...

[FacetiousFemme @facetious_femme]

Only sleep w my friends. Homierotic

[FacetiousFemme @facetious_femme]

@soupfangirl Girls be like: milk hurts my tummy :c
But it’s actually campylobacter from raw milk

[FacetiousFemme @facetious_femme]

Practicing cultural defiance by liking the black screen profile pictures for attention on Facebook

[FacetiousFemme @facetious_femme]

Texting my good ex every time I come across a lesbian YouTuber from 2016 on TT

[FacetiousFemme @facetious_femme]

@ashleyn1cole @joshgondelman Tucker Carlson might complain about her shoes

[FacetiousFemme @facetious_femme]

Do we have to pretend that they are “underdogs” like we pretended last time

[FacetiousFemme @facetious_femme]

Untapped coconut m&m market