Emerald Torrington

I'm just here to avoid working

[Emerald Torrington @facetsofemerald]

fun facts! a group of whales is called a pod. a group of men wearing salmon colored dockers is called a travesty

[Emerald Torrington @facetsofemerald]

Airports: Update, we're so serious you need a Real ID. We moved the deadline again, it's now Jan 1, 2035. So you understand the urgency.

[Emerald Torrington @facetsofemerald]

Do you remember when you joined Twitter? I do! #MyTwitterAnniversary

[Emerald Torrington @facetsofemerald]

@MATEScast @michaelianblack Def let's table that. And sure I can handle a small bump. Medium bump tho, no.

[Emerald Torrington @facetsofemerald]

@constantlyjosh @MATEScast @CavanaghTom Sure, I mean technically speaking they pick a snack, eat a snack, rate a snack (whilst playing it straight) -- but yeah definitely not what they're about. Any viewer knows that.

[Emerald Torrington @facetsofemerald]

@michaelianblack @MATEScast Tis a dark day for us loyal viewers(?). I hope there will be more episodes soon. 🥲 #respectforwomen

[Daniel Crosby @danielcrosby]

I used to drink tons of Diet Coke but it’s been one month since I’ve had a drop.

I want to share some of the changes I’ve observed in myself over that time:

- My health is unchanged
- I’m less happy
- My one source of joy is gone

Thanks for encouraging me on this journey!

[Emerald Torrington @facetsofemerald]

@LoveNLunchmeat Most lemurs are nude

[Emerald Torrington @facetsofemerald]

@JoJoFromJerz Who?

[Emerald Torrington @facetsofemerald]

People who say (sarcasm) after being sarcastic, you're not doing it right.

[Emerald Torrington @facetsofemerald]

@ColonelRyan_I Politely! Of course

[Emerald Torrington @facetsofemerald]

@RichBeingRich Somehow that's really fitting

[Emerald Torrington @facetsofemerald]

@michaelianblack @toddbarry better RT this when you're close to sold out

[Emerald Torrington @facetsofemerald]

Real question: people who set meetings to start 15 mins after the hour...why?

[Emerald Torrington @facetsofemerald]

@AOC Very valid point 🙌🙌

[Emerald Torrington @facetsofemerald]

@michaelianblack Good eye

[Emerald Torrington @facetsofemerald]

@queeralamode Everytime I'm on vacation and an entitled tourist yells their obnoxious request slowly and loudly in English

[Emerald Torrington @facetsofemerald]

@MichaelTJenkins @anthonyhett What kind of lunch tho

[Emerald Torrington @facetsofemerald]

@Reverend_Scott Solid choice no arguments

[Emerald Torrington @facetsofemerald]

@jackiekashian But what would they do with all the extra $? Stymied.

[Emerald Torrington @facetsofemerald]

@John_Quaintance #sciencefacts