Faris Sanders🐀

TXST 23’ #ratverified

[Faris Sanders🐀 @farisemily]

Mabye I don’t need therapy, Mabye it’s just time to go to the dentist.

[Emily Murnane @emily_murnane]

I crocheted the very hungry caterpillar and all the food it eats if anyone CARES

[Faris Sanders🐀 @farisemily]

@steveindenton 🫡

[Faris Sanders🐀 @farisemily]

This really happened. They didn’t steal anything. They just messed it up.

[Faris Sanders🐀 @farisemily]

Someone broke into my car and made it messy.

[Faris Sanders🐀 @farisemily]

Sometimes you tell your friends that you are going to take a nap and then you go and cut your bangs.

[Faris Sanders🐀 @farisemily]

Frida said not to tell anyone, but she is in love with Mark(her boyfriend).

[Faris Sanders🐀 @farisemily]

I am confident that only a fried egg can cure my insomnia.

[Faris Sanders🐀 @farisemily]

I want a cooking show where Gordon Ramsay has to judge people on their depression meals, but here’s the kicker. They are depressed during the competition.

[Faris Sanders🐀 @farisemily]

Life sends you to weird places. For example, watching infomercials about knives in Spanish at 5am with your cat.

[Faris Sanders🐀 @farisemily]

I’m not saying I’m a psychopath, but I did work out in dead silence today.

[Faris Sanders🐀 @farisemily]

@Greygok But was it worth it?

[Gonzo @GonzotheGreat]

TO PROVE HOW STRONG I, GONZO THE GREAT, TRULY AM, I'M TYPING IN ALL CAPS!! HOW DO I HOLD UP SO MUCH HEAVY TEXT WITH SUCH INCREDIBLE EASE?? NOT HEAVY ENOUGH, YOU SAY? WELL WHAT IF I ADDED 🐘 🐘 🐘 🏋️‍♀️🏋️‍♂️🏋️ 🪨 🪨 🪨 🛳⛴🚢 ⚓️ ⚓️ ⚓️?? STILL NOT ENOUGH?! I'LL ADD HEAVY FOOD TOO! 🧇🥞🍩

[Faris Sanders🐀 @farisemily]

@Greygok 11

[Faris Sanders🐀 @farisemily]

This bar on Bar Rescue had paper on the tables so you can color and I think they were in the right.

[PrincessMuppet @PrincessMuppet]

Therapy isn’t enough I need to meet The Muppets

[Faris Sanders🐀 @farisemily]

I’m worried about the fish. Do they get itchy? Who will help them scratch their back?

[Faris Sanders🐀 @farisemily]

@fullmetalmark1 You thought wrong😤🥊

[Mark Humor @mark_humor]

Would love to have beef with someone on Twitter, but I love my fans too much