🌈 Furbyyyy

#16801

[A.Y.O @YusufAsunmogejo]

Let’s talk about the 7-7-7 rule of parenting. I know that some of you might have heard of it before. But what I want to share with you are rare tips that you cannot find in your regular blogs.

Why the 7-7-7 Rule in the first place?

We are all exhausted. I see it in my DMs every day. We are fighting battles in our homes that we should not even be in because we try to use the same heavy hand for every age.

The truth is, you cannot use the same logic for a toddler that you use for a teenager. When you use the wrong tool at the wrong time, you do not just fail to teach the child. You break the relationship between you and the child.

The 7-7-7 rule is the solution to this constant friction. This rule was first echoed by Ali ibn Abi Talib (May The Almighty be pleased with him).

He said: Play with them for seven years, Discipline them for seven years, and then Befriend them for seven years. It sounds easy, but most of us do it in the wrong order. We are too serious with the toddlers and then we try to be the boss when they are already teenagers.

(1) The 0 to 7 Years Stage. This is the stage to build the love tank. Imam Al-Ghazali said in Ihya, that a child's heart is a precious jewel that is blank and ready for any carving. In these years, you should play more than you lecture.

One rare tip that you can adopt going forward is Overhead Praise. Direct praise is good, but overhead praise is gold. Instead of telling them they are good, tell your spouse or a friend about their good deed while the child is in the room. When they hear you brag about their kindness when they think you aren't looking, it builds a deep confidence.

Action Tip: Find one small thing they did well today and mention it to someone else while they are nearby. Make sure they can hear you. Be intentional and consistent about it.

(2) The 7 to 14 Years Stage. This is the time for character and boundaries. The scholar Ibn al-Jawzi in Sayd al-Khatir, warned us about forcing a narrow vessel to hold too much.

Remember I talked about Taghaful (Strategic Ignorance) yesterday. This is the right age to use it. It means you see the mistake, but you choose to look away. If you correct every single thing they do wrong, they will develop a hearing block against your voice by age ten. You have to save your corrections for the things that matter.

Action Tip: Start today by adopting the 70/30 rule. Ignore 70% of the small irritations, maybe it is a messy desk or a slow response. Save your energy for the 30% that actually involves character or safety.

Only speak up for the big boundaries. You are building authority by not wasting it on small irritations. Pay attention to their demeanor and be consistent.

(3) The 14 to 21 Years Stage. In this stage, the "boss" version of you must die so the "consultant" version can be born. The scholar Ibn Miskawayh in Tahdhib al-Akhlaq, wrote about the refinement of the soul as a process that requires respect. If you keep using force, they will just learn to hide their life from you.

Action Tip: Your job now is to protect their Sirr (Sacred Secrecy). If they tell you something heavy, misdeed or embarrassing, keep it between you. Do not share it with the extended family. To keep them close, you must be a safe vault.

This week, try to listen to them for twenty minutes without giving a single piece of advice. Just listen so they know you are a friend they can trust with their future.

In all, the 7-7-7 rule is about realizing that you are a gardener. You don't make the plant grow. You just provide the right environment for it to reach its own opening (Fath).

As a parent, which stage are you currently navigating? Let’s discuss in the comments👏🏿👏🏿

[A.Y.O @YusufAsunmogejo]

Hello Lola, I am a Muslim, and our spiritual tradition has a very deep approach to raising children. I want to share some tips from our scholars that will be beneficial to you regardless of your faith.

First of all, our theology teaches the concept of Fitrah. This means that every child is born with a pure heart. At six years old, she is not a criminal mastermind. She does not have a wicked soul.

If she doesn’t have all these, then what is happening? The truth is that she is just lacking impulse control and testing boundaries. By this, if you look at her as a manipulator, you will fight her. However, if you look at her as a pure soul making mistakes, you will be able to guide her.

Secondly, for every problem anyone faces today, it has been solved in history. The only problem is how to locate them.

A classical scholar named Al-Ghazali wrote about child psychology over 900 years ago in his famous book “Ihya Ulum al-Din.” In his section on disciplining children, he gave a practical rule I want you to adopt going forward.

He advised that parents should never push a child into a corner where they are forced to lie. When you ask a question you already know the answer to, her survival instinct kicks in. She cries and she lies to defend herself because she is scared of you. Stop interrogating her. Just look at her and state the fact. Say, I know you took this, and we are going to return it right now.

Again, another scholar and sociologist Ibn Khaldun addressed this exact behavior in his masterpiece titled: “Al-Muqaddimah.” He warned that when a child is raised with harsh punishment, they learn deceit, trickery, and lying to protect themselves. This is why she is covering her tracks and crying to manipulate you. The fear of a harsh reaction is making her a better liar.

Lola, do not attach a label to her. Do not ever call her a thief. If you attack her identity instead of her action, she will internalize it and grow into that dark label. Tell her the action is wrong but protect her dignity.

Make her return the item. Do not fall for the tears. Hold her hand, walk her back to wherever she took it from, and make her hand it back and apologize. The discomfort of returning a stolen item teaches a much better lesson than beating her will ever do.

Finally, I don’t know if you are a Muslim, but never underestimate the power of your own words. In our faith, we believe the prayer of a parent for a child goes straight to God without any barrier. Pray over her. Pray for her heart to be content and for her character to be straight.

Keep doing this consistently and the habit will break.

Allah knows best.

[Punch Cat @PunchingCat]

my cat trying to help me figure out who broke the vase 😂

[🌈 Furbyyyy @fbhfurby]

Me rn

[Nature is Amazing ☘️ @AMAZlNGNATURE]

Saw a pregnant squirrel for the first time today. I’m not sure what I expected but this exceeds all of it.

[Nature is Amazing ☘️ @AMAZlNGNATURE]

Just learned that baby elephants suck their trunks for comfort, just like baby humans suck their thumbs. Everyone look at this

[BERNAMA @bernamadotcom]

Bagaimana nak kenal pasti kesegaran telur?

4/6

#BernamaTerangkan #BernamaNews

[The Cultural Tutor @culturaltutor]

This photo is 113 years old.

It was taken by Sergey Prokudin-Gorsky, an early pioneer of colour photography.

If you've ever wondered what the world used to look like, Prokudin-Gorsky's photos will show you...

[Aiman Psikologi 🧠🇲🇾 @AimanPsikologi]

When the parents keep telling how they sacrificed their life for the child (as guilt tripping), the child will grow thinking they are a burden.

But when the parents keep telling how much gratitude they have for the child, they will grow up with healthy self esteem and identity.

[𝐫. @aemisias]

Margot Robbie’s Barbie looks and the dolls they’re inspired by — a thread ✴︎

[5hahem @shaTIRED]

i ain’t ever seen a cat look so dumbfounded lmaooo

[Abah @chairmanGLC]

This is a good question. What you need is soft skills/management communications class. SIRIM ada buat kelas ni among others. Worth to take a look. Good for you for trying to improve yourself.

https://t.co/VS1D4S6JWS

[Amina Yonis, PhD @DrAminaYonis]

My parents just graduated their 4th Dr out of their 5 children.

I graduated with a PhD in cancer research, my brother is a dentist, my first sister is a medical doctor and my second sister is a dentist.

This is how they cultivated an academic home:

[Roman Akramovich @SyedAkramin]

Baru tahu sebenarnya kita boleh tukar wang syiling di kiosk MyPay, sudah tak perlu ke bank. Kiosk ini dibuka setiap hari dari 10am ke 7pm. Caranya pun sangat mudah, 5 minit selesai. Wang akan dikreditkan terus ke akaun bank. Apa-apa bank pun boleh.

Selesai satu masalah 😄.

[Ashley Richmond @_AshleyRichmond]

I’m a 6-time national representative athlete and have spent the last decade studying the most effective system for building muscle + losing fat.

Don't waste the next 10 years trying to figure this out.

In the next 3 minutes, I’ll show you how to completely transform your body:

[Jonny McGrath-Smith @jonnymcgs]

Absolutely adore this 'Second Best' idea for parents from IKEA

[asmida 🐰 @asmidadrs]

Just in case yang nak beli tiket for coldplay. Here some references.

Stadium Bukit Jalil
#BORNPINKINKL
Section 332
Row L

Before zoom. After zoom (ip11)

[🌈 Furbyyyy @fbhfurby]

Tolong lah jangan tulis ref like jdjdhdh or yllykgigj. Kalau semua remarks dalam statement macam tu memang redflag habis

[🌈 Furbyyyy @fbhfurby]

When u feel shitty and all the plans for the day is going down the loo