tom

“you’re in the Army, yes?” “ no, no, I just have short hair”

[tom @filesoftom]

@KerouacRimbaud F

[tom @filesoftom]

@Jc_swope @gunsnrosesgirl3 Sensational

[tom @filesoftom]

@leep_leep @Jc_swope “Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice……ya ain’t gonna fool me again”

[tom @filesoftom]

@leep_leep

[tom @filesoftom]

@leep_leep I will carry the boats or whatever

[tom @filesoftom]

Been fortunate to have done this multiple times this year. Happy life.

[tom @filesoftom]

@JusCallMeLani you get on this app and become more anti ocean everyday lmao

[tom @filesoftom]

a what with the boys?

[Nick Adams @NickAdamsinUSA]

This afternoon, I made a quick trip to Publix after an intense foursome with the boys. As I was heading toward the domestic beer aisle, I heard someone shouting my way.

I turned to see a man in an Anheuser Busch corporate polo angrily gesturing toward me. “YOU! It’s YOU! YOU did this! You’re the one leading the boycott,” he shouted.

Naturally, I approached him to see what the fuss was about. He said he knew it was me from the sound of my metal spikes walking down the aisle. Alpha males always wear metal spikes.

It turns out Anheuser Busch was so desperate to sell Bud Light that they were sending representatives to stores to beg customers to buy their woke products.

The angry beer salesman continued to shout at me, demanding that I call off my boycott of his woke beer. I crossed my arms and let the man finish his unhinged rant. As he caught his breath, I calmly asked him to step aside because he was blocking my path to the Yuengling.

I walked past him to grab my beer as he stood there in stunned silence. He was so taken aback by my calm, authoritative, and masculine response that he looked like he had seen a ghost. His was jaw on the floor as he stared at me in emasculated disbelief. I told him to take a picture because it would last longer, and then turned to leave.

The entire beer section erupted in thunderous applause, and a manager approached me to say that my groceries had been comped.

It’s amazing what a little bit of secure masculinity can accomplish in an effeminate world.

[tom @filesoftom]

@CalOriginal

[tom @filesoftom]

The Sopranos is a comedy, I don’t care what they say

[tom @filesoftom]

@sloppy_steaks Thanks for taking a stand Chris! You are very brave

[tom @filesoftom]

@ratbabyjell Mesopotamia lookin ahh

[tom @filesoftom]

Consistently one of the corniest human beings on the planet right now

[Anna Adams @AnnaH247]

Dabo: "We built this program on NIL. Probably different than what you're thinking though... we built it on God's Name, Image, and Likeness."

[Georgia Fabbrini @gafromla]

Not to get overly political on here but, tater tots > french fries. All day. Every day.

[tom @filesoftom]

@KerouacRimbaud I’m all in on this

[CAL. @CalOriginal]

“BEHIND YOU” my first short film. OUT NOW, link in my bio.

[tom @filesoftom]

Wow thank you Katy, this is epic. Going to crush this Tuesday let’s go

[tom @filesoftom]

🐐

[Formula 1 @F1]

KEVIN MAGNUSSEN IS ON POLE!!!

#BrazilGP @HaasF1Team

[tom @filesoftom]

Twitter family, let’s ride

[Lil Samsquanch @lilsamsquanch66]

If you’ve been feeling down at all recently just remember we’ve still got 125 cold and dark days ahead of us and it will most likely get a lot worse for you