Feeling a sudden desire to run. Have been running every morning since the desire began. Meeting these physical desires in real actual time is was makes the “harder to reach” desires seem a bit closer and easier to harness
Met with my dad today who I don’t have the greatest relationship with. Our meetings are always rather emotional and reflective. I’m finding that the older I get the more and more I relate to him and find extreme similarities and synchronicities between us. More so than my mom and I. Today we ate ice cream and he showed me places on a map that he recommends I visit on an upcoming trip I am taking. Then he gifted me a puppet. Lol
I miss the amount of effort I put into my appearance when I am living my academia life in the city. Missing the incentive to look out together and think about my outfits and do my hair and devote time to that ritual of preparing myself for the day in the morning.
Farm life abolishes this and although it’s served me well to frolic around in flip flops and jean shorts and no thoughts given to how I look it is simply not what I am desiring at the moment and quite frankly I am a bit turned off by it.
Made it a goal for the year to get super physically strong. Have always felt my physical embodiment of my strength was lacking compared to my mental / spiritual / intellectual prowess. Certain chronic illnesses and whatnot had always restricted my movement and at some points in my life led me bedridden and very emaciated and just so weak. It got to a point where I could barely run or jump or dance and was losing hair and lost my period and all those other things we hate to see lost. Not sure how I mustered strength to slowly ease myself back into movement but I somehow did and it perhaps was the best thing I could do for myself at that point.
Had a theory working on my physical weakness would work out some of the mental weaknesses that needed a bit of massaging. The ones I just could not think thru needed to be moved thru. And now the mental weaknesses that once were such a stress on me have lessened and gotten lighter and don’t even cross my mind. Physically I feel stronger than I ever have. My theory was correct. And now I can run as much as I please and go on long long hikes and lift really heavy stuff and also have capped shoulders and can do a bunch of pull ups. Just wow. Love that physical health is so tangible.