🍍𝙳𝚊𝚗

Death by a thousand pineapple stabs

[Charles Austin @charlesraustin]

"I've hurt people" — Bugs Bunny reflects on his racist past, talks sobriety, previews his Nanette style comeback special in this month's GQ Magazine cover story

[rob delaney @robdelaney]

If your song doesn't have a sax solo in it, guess what? Back to the drawing board for you asshole.

[Matthew Sweet @DrMatthewSweet]

Elon Musk is like a Scooby Doo villain who dresses up as a ghost to scare everyone away from the theme park but forgets that his business is theme parks

[Маделейн . @normalmadeline]

Pasta salad… let’s take a beloved dish and make it cold and add a bunch of random vegetables to it and cover it with salad dressing. And it’s good too

[oatmeal influencer @acechhh]

not yet roger

[Ash @theashrb]

LMAOOOO only in Turkey will bystanders break up a cat fight like this 🤣

[Touch Glass (commissions closed) @TouchG1ass]

sunshine streaming through the stained glizzy

[alex @alex_abads]

someone: hi!

me: so I am deeply into this docuseries about a deeply unwell Indiana family that adopted a ukrainian orphan who was allegedly 6 but actually maybe 15 but also maybe 32 and whose adoptive mother believed she was a foreign agent. the orphan hid knives under her bed

[josh (oldfriend99) @oldfriend99]

If i get fired i'll lose my job

[Daniel Spenser @DanSpenser]

Honey, this smorgasbord, it is positively VERITABLE!

[Taylor Kay Phillips @TayKayPhillips]

Literally no one understands something more completely than a woman in a meeting who starts a question with “Just so I understand…”