Flappy Pants

I once killed a penguin by accident and crashed a warship. If clusterfucks could be personified it would have a big picture of my face.

[Flappy Pants @flappy_pants]

Hi Twitter. Anyone know what this is off? Friend has it on a quiz. It's doing my head in!

[Flappy Pants @flappy_pants]

Anyway, if you think about it a kangaroo is just a T-Rex deer. That's probably it for another few years. Bye.

[Flappy Pants @flappy_pants]

Me doing DIY. Time spent doing DIY 3 hours. Time spent actually doing job required. 30 minutes. Time spent looking for tools I just put down. 2 hours 30 minutes. Anyway. Speak to you all again in another year or so.

[Flappy Pants @flappy_pants]

A swift can out hop a gerbil on a turntable.#intrestingandtotallyuntrueanimalfact

[Flappy Pants @flappy_pants]

A single monk fish in the Amazon river can unscrew 12 glasses of gherkins if you lend it some pliers #intrestingandtotallyuntrueanimalfact

[Flappy Pants @flappy_pants]

@RychardeM @Saul_Sadka That's fine but the Palestinian singer must endure boo's from the crowd and have an Israel flag shoved in their face. All conflict is wrong. This, however, is a singing competition you heartless turnip of a man.

[Flappy Pants @flappy_pants]

@Tesco4357 Hi Tesco. Just wanted you to know you have just lost a regular £100 plus per week customer because of your archaic car park charges if you dare do a weekly shop in your store and then go for a coffee and exceed the time. Thanks for nothing. I hope it was worth it.

[Dan Douglas @dandouglas]

everyone is quick to hate on keir starmer but you should follow him on vinted, he just posted a load of good stuff

[Flappy Pants @flappy_pants]

Do you remember when you joined X? I do! #MyXAnniversary

[Not the RTÉ News @notthertenews]

"I do occasionally experiment with editing"

[Alf!! - Comedian @whoelsebutalf]

I'm currently halfway through reading the book of genesis and not a single mention of Phil Collins.

[Bobbie @bo66ie29]

"You boy, when’s bin day?"

[Jeff of the Unpleased Wimmin @jennifever1]

It's the most confusing time
Yes the most confusing time
Oh the most confusing time
Of the year……

[Flappy Pants @flappy_pants]

@IrenaBuzarewicz Actual pictures of me picking up the clothes from my kids floors

[No Context Brits @NoContextBrits]

Decorating the house for Halloween.