The Flipped Out Jock

Torah and Girls; that's all I need! **All tweets to be read in a jock voice**

[The Flipped Out Jock @flippedoutjock]

Ex-GF just asked me if I wanted to do chazara from tht Saturday night in 11th grade. Told her "nah, I'm not holding in that sugya anymore."

[The Flipped Out Jock @flippedoutjock]

If you're not holding in Taharos HaMishpacha, birthright girls are gishmak! #SummerB4ShanahAleph

[The Flipped Out Jock @flippedoutjock]

Dude, totes just spotted a legit @flippedoutjock on Ben Yehuda while shopping for drunk day! AKA Purim!! #NOICE

[The Flipped Out Jock @flippedoutjock]

Bro, ירושלים and חברון are cool and all, but I'm so stoked for the אילת עיר הקדש shabbaton!!! #MajorAhavasChinam

[The Flipped Out Jock @flippedoutjock]

Bro, this past שבת, I didn't have a רביעית of grape juice, so I just made קידוש on an entire bottle of יין שרף! #DrunkFromVasikinTillHavdala

[The Flipped Out Jock @flippedoutjock]

Just got a heter to make berachos without a shirt. Why? 'Cause I gotta show off these rock-hard abs! Whatever, man. I lift.

[The Flipped Out Jock @flippedoutjock]

Woke up for vasikin this morning.....still drunk. #FarbregenedTooHard

[The Flipped Out Jock @flippedoutjock]

Frat party tonight! Come for some beer, beer pong, and hardcore divrei Torah on the sugya of pasei beeros. #TurnDownForWhat

[The Flipped Out Jock @flippedoutjock]

Look, bro, I'm all down for keeping Shabbos, but there's no way Hashem rested when He was #gettingswole

[The Flipped Out Jock @flippedoutjock]

@izzyistooEZ totes brah! You should totes join my group on Facebook "Jewish Orthodox Atheists!" Speaking tour starts next week @UC Berkeley

[The Flipped Out Jock @flippedoutjock]

Just learned about laws of Shomer Negia, but bc I'm Modern Orthodox and choose which halachos I'll follow, deciding not to follow those!

[The Flipped Out Jock @flippedoutjock]

Bro, why do laps in a pool when you can do laps in a mikvah? #MechaelPhelpsberg #ReishitOutShabbos

[The Flipped Out Jock @flippedoutjock]

Not cool, brah. Got asked to do Hagbah today but due to the lactic acid fermentation in my guns, I was too sore. #Unsick #IGotchuNextTimeGD

[The Flipped Out Jock @flippedoutjock]

Last night was crazy, bro! I took that wine libation, and instead of pouring it on the altar, I totally poured it into my mouth. Sick night!

[The Flipped Out Jock @flippedoutjock]

Rabbosai mir veln bentchin? More like rabbosai mir veln BENCHING! #HakadoshBaruchHuSpotsMe @IGraber

[The Flipped Out Jock @flippedoutjock]

Need to find a dank mikvah ASAP! Spent all of bein hazmanim in Tel Aviv. Practically made a siyum on miseches Nida, whatever.

[The Flipped Out Jock @flippedoutjock]

What the heck! If they close the roads on Thursday night because of the snow, I can't go do mishmar on Ben Yehudah! So not cool, brah!

[The Flipped Out Jock @flippedoutjock]

Last Motzei Shabbat, I went to this SICK Melaveh Malka...on BEN YEHUDAH!!!!! #sickbrah #nice @RavBurg