straight edge derek

I am being hunted for my pelt
@BrokeUglyChud

[straight edge derek @foidhanistan]

pants ALL the way down at the urinal #beastmode

[straight edge derek @foidhanistan]

yeah not to brag but me and the bouncer of this club have this cute relationship where i try to go in and he beats the shit out of me

[straight edge derek @foidhanistan]

im at the yearly cum retention competition man where are you at

[straight edge derek @foidhanistan]

saw a guy who went missing in my town on one of those temu ads that play on youtube

[straight edge derek @foidhanistan]

promising my bank that i got scammed out of $300 instead of telling them it was spent on freaky ft calls

[straight edge derek @foidhanistan]

your honor i wasnt in the right state of mind i had too much sugar

[Old Man Rattle @oldrattle_]

don’t dap me up unless you’re down with the gamer thug life bruh

[straight edge derek @foidhanistan]

no i dont like to rub peanut butter on myself stop spreading that rumor

[straight edge derek @foidhanistan]

my flat earther uncle just got a pontoon boat and now he wont shut up about how hes going to prove us wrong

[straight edge derek @foidhanistan]

built a nether portal irl and it just took me to california

[straight edge derek @foidhanistan]

found out my grandpa served in nam after he heard hanoi hannahs voice through a instagram reel i was watching and started tweaking

[straight edge derek @foidhanistan]

adolf jizzler and his goon squad rose to power in the early 30s

[straight edge derek @foidhanistan]

the blackhead that appeared on my nose wont stop saying the nword

[Evil Fawf @Fawf_iguess]

teacher he called me a cornball

[straight edge derek @foidhanistan]

dont piss in my mouth and tell me its raining or however the saying goes

[straight edge derek @foidhanistan]

the CEO of anal penetration wants to talk to you man and he doesnt like to be kept waiting

[straight edge derek @foidhanistan]

the cashier at goodwill stole my bitch

[straight edge derek @foidhanistan]

no that wasnt “premature ejaculation” i just had too much aura and it shot out of me

[straight edge derek @foidhanistan]

the cows have turned against me and are now chanting “milk him! milk him!” in unison

[straight edge derek @foidhanistan]

oh dont mind him thats just the friendly neighborhood pedophile doing his patrols

[straight edge derek @foidhanistan]

walmart asset protection violated my constitutional rights by subduing me with a taser