Matthew Fleming

haha jk

[Matthew Fleming @footlongflem]

Well I used fireball as cologne last night so there's that

[Matthew Fleming @footlongflem]

@walidsparks I hate you

[Matthew Fleming @footlongflem]

My only hobbies are sleeping and working out I need another

[Matthew Fleming @footlongflem]

I started saying lol ironically and now I keep doing it please send help it’s an emergency

[Matthew Fleming @footlongflem]

Haven’t had alcohol in like 6 days my body is a TEMPLE

[Matthew Fleming @footlongflem]

@apparishion Am I just really tired or is this hilarious

[Matthew Fleming @footlongflem]

Four hours of sleep going into 3/4 night shift tonight RIP my mental physical and spiritual health

[Matthew Fleming @footlongflem]

Masks being made optional at the gym means I can go back to making unintentional hideous facial expressions during my workouts. Nice!

[Matthew Fleming @footlongflem]

@morgypie3 You really are

[Matthew Fleming @footlongflem]

Good morning to everyone except the people that ride motorbikes through the city and absolutely shatter everyone’s eardrums

[Matthew Fleming @footlongflem]

Deleting LinkedIn because I want to find a job the old fashioned way (pulling myself up by my bootstraps)

[Matthew Fleming @footlongflem]

*cries in american*

[Matthew Fleming @footlongflem]

“Sorry officer, I was listening to Olivia Rodrigo’s new album”

[Matthew Fleming @footlongflem]

@morgypie3 This is very on point and I’m both

[Matthew Fleming @footlongflem]

@nickdepersia I love the message here but if I have to sprint more than 100m I’m going to die

[Matthew Fleming @footlongflem]

So good

[Matthew Fleming @footlongflem]

I’m fairly confident I could win an amateur parallel parking competition

[Matthew Fleming @footlongflem]

So I really have to do this shopping/ cooking/ cleaning thing for the rest of my life? Rude but ok

[Matthew Fleming @footlongflem]

all panic no disco

[Matthew Fleming @footlongflem]

good 4 u: *plays*

@walidsparks and me:

[Matthew Fleming @footlongflem]

Should I change my Twitter handle to @fleminyourthroat please reply