Brainiac

Just your average apathetic, sympathetic, diabetic old man on roller skates with a marked propensity towards procrastination and sloth

[Brainiac @freebrian]

Apple today announced the new Photos Edition.app with costs $10,000 but gives all your photos a nice golden tone.

[Brainiac @freebrian]

@jkottke @timhaines Amazing fact: even including transportation costs, STILL cheaper then parking in NYC.

[Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺 @Hormonella]

A group of people fucking around online on a Monday morning is called an American Workforce.

[Brainiac @freebrian]

Q: What's a Rolodex?
A: the dividing line between "old" and "really old."

[Brainiac @freebrian]

@theguydf To be fair, it's only because the mac desktop app doesn't have a mute feature 😜

[Brainiac @freebrian]

"That's a nice state ya got there. It'd be a real shame if a couple feet of snow got dumped on it." - Weather Mafia

[Brainiac @freebrian]

It's crazy cold outside. So this is God giving the middle finger to anyone leaving the house to go shopping today, eh?

[Brainiac @freebrian]

I just can't take any street named Minnehaha seriously. Maybe they should have just called it Chuckle Ave.

[Brainiac @freebrian]

@stockejock you are seriously funny! LOVE IT!

[Brainiac @freebrian]

American Diplomacy: http://t.co/IZUxBOohL5

[Tim Siedell @badbanana]

July will be the perfect month to ask if I can help you move because that's when the new middle finger emoji comes out.

[Brainiac @freebrian]

Ya know what the difference is between kinky and perverted? Kinky involves the use of a feather; perverted is using a whole chicken.

[Brainiac @freebrian]

Turns out, "Not even with latex gloves on." is the wrong response if your boss says "ya feel me?"

[Brainiac @freebrian]

My collection: Wet Paint signs.
People leave these everywhere!

[Brainiac @freebrian]

Thank God my neighbor is testing their 2000watt car subwoofer. I was wondering if I could still hear 20-100hz noises from a block away.

[ᴺᴼᵀ Jony Ive @JonyIveParody]

Working on OS X 10.10. It’s so incredible & unlike anything you’ve ever seen.

Unless you’ve seen iOS 7, in which case act fucking surprised

[Brainiac @freebrian]

@macklemore @robdelaney WHAT?!? And you didn't try to stop that kid from driving that rented Lamborghini and street racing anyway?

[Brainiac @freebrian]

The US Olympic team outfits are what happens when NASCAR pays an egotistical straight guy to design a sweater. http://t.co/JA60lpL9Vt