Freejack Flan

Films, videogames, music. All the usual. If you really liked my tweets, you'd RETWEET them.

[a parody]

[Freejack Flan @freejackflan]

I Google myself every day to get unfiltered feedback and I've just read that reviewing films I obviously haven't seen is 'next to useless'. You know what's next to useless in a dictionary? USEFUL! So fuck off you B3ta cunts. Why don't you all go back to gangraping McPlum's kids?

[Freejack Flan @freejackflan]

Robyn. Reply to my DM or I'll burn your fucking house down.

[Freejack Flan @freejackflan]

@KmineCrazyDog @BBC @Channel4 @ITV @StephenMulhern *devastated.

[Freejack Flan @freejackflan]

What a surprise! The gay Indian guy #Rahul wins #GBBOFinal - expect that kind of namby pamby box ticking SJWing on @BBC but @Channel4 have let us down too. @ITV are the only channel brave enough to let a white person win. They should bid and get @StephenMulhern to host.🍞🥨🍰🥧🍪

[Freejack Flan @freejackflan]

Good luck to my pal Cuntsmasher Whiteside on his new job! 🏢📒🖇
It's just a shame they made you hand in you hi viz tabbard at the last place. I reckon we could have gotten into student nightclubs for free by pretending to be 52 year old health inspectors. #Halloween #diabetes

[Freejack Flan @freejackflan]

Got my brand new phone! Better aspect ratio than the phones all you sheeple use. It's all about the ratios. I can really enjoy my vlogs and vids without all that letterbox bullshit cutting out sections of the screen. https://t.co/yOIQmSAJ8B #ImBetterThanYou #halloween #diabetes

[Freejack Flan @freejackflan]

My mate Pete reckons his knob is so big he once titfucked a girl doggystyle. I reckon he's full of shit. #halloween #peanutbutter #Halloweekend #WorldSeries #uksausageweek #Indonesia #Brazil #budget #StandUpToCancer

[Freejack Flan @freejackflan]

If a first twin was born at 01.57 this morning, and then the second one 7 minutes later it would be 01.04 because of the #clocks going back, so the eldest one would be born last and the youngest first. #Nonsense The sooner we #Brexit and regain control of our clocks the better!

[Freejack Flan @freejackflan]

Flash Gordon on @Film4 right now. That Ornella Muti was a right fitty and gave me many an erection back in the day. #PHWOAR #FilthyBitch

[Freejack Flan @freejackflan]

@LeonardEctric1 'Mental issues'

[Freejack Flan @freejackflan]

Couldn't remember the name of #Dressage so i did a google search for 'Posh girls with horses' instead. Greasy fingers after my kievs so it auto corrected to 'Polish girls with horses' and the 9 videos I watched made me feel quite sick before I came. That lot have no self respect.

[Freejack Flan @freejackflan]

Strange smell in Stockport this morning. Gonna fire up the Punto and see if i can catch whatever is making it on dashcam. I hope it's a crashed lorry leaking stuff. Keep an eye on my YouTube! #GBBO #CelebrityHunted #WorldSeries #MumbledDrivel #SexyAsianGurlz

[Freejack Flan @freejackflan]

Will have to wait before I throw my weight 100% behind the campaign though. They need to clarify their position on 50 year old men going to fresher nights at student nightclubs to perv at girls more than half their age first. That could be a deal breaker.

[Freejack Flan @freejackflan]

Story on the radio news about setting up a register for stalkers, similar to the one for sex offenders. GOOD! About time criminals like @robneymcplum and @PugnaciousDee we're recognised!

[Freejack Flan @freejackflan]

And you could masturbate into one and not have to worry too much about putting it on your foot in the morning. I'm no mathematician but I reckon it'd only be about a 20% chance of it.

[Freejack Flan @freejackflan]

They should do socks in threes rather than pairs, so it doesn't matter when you inevitably lose one. I may as well be talking to myself though as big hosiery know they've got us over a barrel with that one. #WakeUpSheeple #FUMING #DrWho #RosaParks #SocialJusticeWarriorBullshit

[Freejack Flan @freejackflan]

@VenueManchester @basshunt @skiddle Have you seen his ex missus? She's well fit and did some porn.

[Freejack Flan @freejackflan]

@RachelRileyRR You are very brave to post this... it only takes one idiot to comment on 'seeing a picture of your big pussy' or 'taking you up the OXO tower' to spoil it for the rest of us.

[Freejack Flan @freejackflan]

@ManCityCouncil @hitsradiouk @JonasBlue @MaxGeorge @PalaceAndOpera @The_Lowry @rxtheatre Looks like a tit with glasses.

[Freejack Flan @freejackflan]

The Wonderful World Of Puppies on @channel5_tv . Not what I was hoping for. Not a single pair of perky tits on show at all. 5/7. #TradeDescriptions #FUMING

[Freejack Flan @freejackflan]

#KeiraKnightley has just announced that some @Disney films are banned in her house as they've a negative message. Skinny cow's films are banned from mine as they are shit! Might be a bit different is she had some tits on her, I might illegally stream them, but bollocks to her.