samuel

yep

[shark @squidkeki]

legend of the golden witch

[cabby @cabby]

im allowed to have conflicting opinions and viewpoints cause im a kind person with good morals and nuance and no one else is allowed because their not as smart and pure of heart with good morals like me

[samuel @fuckthrustt]

@shamwowshark beating the what?

[Miyo Takano @MiyokoTakano]

Sometimes I intentionally lie to paranoid people to feed into their delusions

[Jon Graham @jcjgraham]

A Minecraft Movie Review
by Jon Graham

The precise moment the first photons from the theater screen reached my retinas when the very first shot of A Minecraft Movie was projected, depicting young Steve in his saturated iconic wardrobe, resting his pickaxe on one shoulder, his steely stare reflecting his yearning for the back-breaking, suffocating, extremely hazardous work within the mines, I felt like astronaut David Bowman in 2001: A Space Odyssey, ripping at blistering speed through the psychedelic star gate, myself emerging in a trance-like state of euphoria in an uncharted, eye-popping land of perfectly crystalized cinematic kinography, and I'm not even exaggerating.

"It's Steve!" I screamed repeatedly as I forcefully dunked my full popcorn bucket upside-down over the head of the man sitting in front of me, lifted and reeled both of my feet, then stomped the back of his skull with such force to front-flip him over the chairs and into the aisle in front of him.

The concentrated cinematic bliss on the screen continued; Steve as an adult, played by Jack Black, his performance consistently dialed beyond eleven to an ideal thirteen, made his second-act debut and uttered the legendary line: "I... am Steve!"

I grabbed the very elderly, frail woman sitting next to me by the scruff of her cardigan and shook her back and forth as violently as I could as I screamed, ropes of saliva flying from my mouth, all of her bones audibly breaking: "It's Steve, again! He said as much!"

A young girl sat behind me politely spoke: "Could you please be quiet?"

I slowly turned to face her, sporting a look of utter fury, trembling exhales coming through my nose, and slapped her in the face so hard her glasses flew off.

Her cheek went bright red and her nose started to bleed, and I shouted at her: "You'll get another one if you don't get more excited about this bliss in cinematic form!"

The filmic perfection went on; Steve launched into his delightful song brimming with imagination about lava chicken.

I rocked about violently in my chair crying, laughing so hard I was making very bizarre raspy, esophageal noises and couldn't breathe, and passed out temporarily.

A woman cradling a baby leaned over me and asked if I was okay.

Hearing her, my eyes quickly opened wide, the size of dinner plates.

With a massive grin on my face I immediately leapt to my feet, ripped the baby from the woman's grasp and drop-kicked the infant clear across the audience, screams from mother and baby echoing through the auditorium along with my singing "La-la-la-lavaugh, chuh-chuh-chuh-chikeanugh!"

The theatre's janitorial staff stood at the corner gasped as the baby dropped into one of their vomit-filled bins, puke splashing out and onto the floor, like having tossed a large rock into a lake.

"Kobe!" I shouted gleefully.

I estimate it was around this point that, for some reason, somebody in the theater called the police.

Once again I found myself sobbing from hysterical, painful laughter at Jason Momoa's character childishly screaming in fear of the world of Minecraft's various monsters for the dozenth time when a couple of uniformed officers entered the auditorium and approached me, shining their flashlights on me.

They stopped in front of me, infuriatingly obstructing my view of the film, and asked me to come with them.

I then immediately yanked the service weapon of one of the officers from the holster on his belt, pointed it swiftly and quickly shifted my aim between the lawmen, forcing them to back off as I shouted "I'm trying to watch A Minecraft Movie, trademark!"

Strangely, this prompted everyone in the theater to flee screaming.

I obviously already had a great center seat, but now I had the auditorium to myself, for my viewing pleasure.

By this time I had already seen A Minecraft Movie well over a hundred times and could recite every line of the film's masterful screenplay verbatim, and was waiting patiently for that scene -- *the* scene of the movie.

And then, finally, it came, as did I, in my pants; Garrett and Steve find themselves in a fighting ring, pitted against a baby zombie riding on the back of a chicken -- at the same time flashlights began to blind me from either side of the auditorium simultaneously.

I squinted and looked about, realizing a SWAT team in full tactical gear pointing M4 Carbine rifles had entered and were slowly advancing on me, shouting for me to lift my hands in clear view and lower my knees onto the floor.

As if it was fated to happen, I then stood up and unzipped my oversized jacket to reveal a suicide vest comprised of at least three dozen cylindrical canisters packed with C4 plastic explosive, wired for detonation by the switch I then pulled from my pocket and up high for the agents to see, and before they could flee, at the same time Steve in the film shouted it with his characteristic exaggeration in response to the chicken-riding zombie baby, I screamed, as loudly as my lungs would allow, that unforgettable line: "Chicken jockey!"

I then detonated the vest, and everything went white.

The next thing I remember is waking in a hospital bed, my entire body black with soot and my hair strewn out in star-like points similar to a Looney Tunes character caught in a blast from Acme dynamite.

I coughed a single cloud of smoke and shouted at the nearest doctor, asking when I could leave and watch A Minecraft Movie again -- and again, and again, attending as many back-to-back showings I possibly can before the inevitable release of Another Minecraft Movie, which will somehow, yet undoubtedly top the first one and bless us all with its sheer cinematic magnificence.

[august @regularaugust]

The moral of Higurashi is you need to find 3 or 4 other friends with mental disorders to chill with

[Vegeta @Vegeta]

nothing can stop me.

[Voryn Dagoth Ur @DagothUrTheGod]

BRO WHAT THE FUCK

[Q ™️ @QTHESTORMM]

🚨🚨🚨 MAJOR ALERT: EVERYONE BREAK YOUR PHONE RIGHT NOW !!!

[Yuno Poster @HidamariSneed]

@JapaneseProShop theater worker inserts film the old fashioned way

[Pabst Blue Ribbon @PabstBlueRibbon]

Pabst truck full of bees

[Voryn Dagoth Ur @DagothUrTheGod]

In Ald'ruhn they're eating the Scribs, the Imperial dogs that came in, they're eating the Guar.

[shark @squidkeki]

🍻🍻

[𝓒 𝓒 @ciii_ceee]

TODAY'S THE ONLY DAY YOU CAN RETWEET THIS

[Josh Sawyer @jesawyer]

My son, Emoji Fortnite, looked up from his Macedonian lesson and said, “Trump ad portas,” to which my daughter, Salomé Athena, replied, “Trump et Vance sont une grande maladie; Kamala est le grande remède.” In the distance, my Italian greyhound, Panini, howled, signaling Vespers.

[Joe Biden @JoeBiden]

I'm sick

[Voryn Dagoth Ur @DagothUrTheGod]

Day 270,314 of waiting for the Tribunal to get their shit together.