cal’s bday extravaganza

i could be chill and have a vegas bomb

[cal’s bday extravaganza @funbilicalcord]

she found on my ing til i father

[Offseason Mode @Ferd_Turgeson]

great website

[cal’s bday extravaganza @funbilicalcord]

@jewelsaccount u are my star in the sky fr ilysmm!! thank u💗💗💗

[cal’s bday extravaganza @funbilicalcord]

it’s my birthday yk if anyone wants to say anything to me about that or wish me anything like happily or something

[cal’s bday extravaganza @funbilicalcord]

nothing funnier than losing a game badly and making a rlly blatant attempt at cheating as a bit (and the original tweet is about cheating as a bit). most ppl find this amusing. if they don’t, they r probably boring and strict. life is better when it’s silly

[cal’s bday extravaganza @funbilicalcord]

ok so her tweet wasn’t about children, and i don’t think saying adults who cheat at something as harmless as, like, uno are probably bad ppl is a good take

[constans @constans]

I hate to sound like a stuffy British headmaster, but learning norms against cheating in low stakes games like board games or school sports is how we teach people not to cheat in life

[Brooklyn World @quadspawning]

getting shot while wearing these but i transfer my consciousness to a tiny little person in the car right before the bullet destroys my brain and I drive off to safety

[🖤 viv 🖤 @ffdyke]

Police chief: This precinct is the reason our city is as safe as it is. The press keeps speaking about "bad apples", and I can confidently say we don't have any here.
Officer Rape: I've pulled over The Lesbian Pervert.

[¿ @umlarp]

cut my life into peaches

[simpy ☆ saw SOAD 13/07/26 @chillinparker]

I'm never deleting tiktok

[cal’s bday extravaganza @funbilicalcord]

goldie boutilier was everything btw

[cal’s bday extravaganza @funbilicalcord]

bonnaroooooo!!!!!

[cal’s bday extravaganza @funbilicalcord]

four bikini wizards and they’re all casting fireball burn baby burn disco inferno

[Masters of the Universe @mastersmovie]

Fabulous Magic Powers. Masters of the Universe - now playing only in theaters. Get tickets now.

[Wopavelli @TheWopObama]

In American slang we often refer to money as “benjamins” this is a subtle reference to Benjamin Netanyahu, an American folk figure who takes all of our money

[Ian Lang @TheIanLang]

I'm addicted to nicotine so asking me not to smoke at the Phoebe Bridgers concert is ableism

[Natalie Would @_NatalieWould]

I'm the cunt of the litter

[lewis @Lewiswbt1]

[reading only the first word and last word of this reply] glad you agree with me 👍

[Marcelame @_Marcelame]

I FOUND IT

[turbomander @turbomander]

the eye of sauron: FOOL OF A TOOK. I LACED YO SHIT
pippin: fuuvvckkk

[chatpile roan @chatpileroan]

a beautiful woman named beep is trying to contact me through my carbon monoxide alarm