Michelle Krajecki

[Michelle Krajecki @funnymichellek]

@angieryg https://t.co/JbhFNIGlca

[Michelle Krajecki @funnymichellek]

Of course the paint is peeling. Look whose in charge. #whatnimrod...

[Michelle Krajecki @funnymichellek]

Ever walk by a street performer that was so bad you wanted to TAKE money out of his cup? #usethatmoney4lessons

[Michelle Krajecki @funnymichellek]

"NBC , A proud sponsor of ..." For once I'd like to hear- "NBC-We're a sponsor, but not that crazy about it." #tellthetruth

[Michelle Krajecki @funnymichellek]

@Costco Got the squeaky wheel on the cart. After awhile it sounds like it's saying something. "300 dollars, 300 dollars ... #300dollars

[Michelle Krajecki @funnymichellek]

@ Costco and forgot I need an item that starts with M. Now I'll have 2 go down each aisle looking at all the M products. #palletofmangoes

[Michelle Krajecki @funnymichellek]

Hypochondria + memory loss is bad. Glad when I get a bruise painful enough to recall- maybe I'll sign + date them with a Sharpie #smart

[Michelle Krajecki @funnymichellek]

2nd knee for Tom. Now scheduling all new procedures on holidays so we remember when filling out future medical forms.

[Michelle Krajecki @funnymichellek]

Vacation :Tom: Read 2 travel books, reading 1100 pg novel Hawaii, see all historical sights. Me: Sit by the pool, write jokes. #goals

[Michelle Krajecki @funnymichellek]

@deanaohara @funnymichellek thanks, lady!Still getting the hang of this thing!

[Michelle Krajecki @funnymichellek]

What not 2 yell at the breakfast buffet 2 a couple you met B4 @ the pool-Hi- I didn't recognize U with your clothes on! #traveltip

[Michelle Krajecki @funnymichellek]

What this new crew in DC says 2 calm us sounds like what Tony Soprano says before taking u on a drive thru the woods. #replacemyeye

[Michelle Krajecki @funnymichellek]

You know who I really feel sorry for? Nigerian royalty that genuinely want new friends on Facebook. #CantCatchABreak

[Michelle Krajecki @funnymichellek]

Enjoying creation one minute ..suck in a bug the next. #notcrazyaboutthatlasrcreation

[Michelle Krajecki @funnymichellek]

Syrup is like glitter. It goes everywhere ; you find it later in the strangest places. #stickyeyebrow

[Michelle Krajecki @funnymichellek]

Things you only hear@Walmart. "I'd get you a large cart ma'am, but I can't leave the ammo". #dontleavetheammoplease

[Michelle Krajecki @funnymichellek]

Just filled out a survey for a chain restaurant. I am now in their highest age category. #wheresmyseniordiscount

[Michelle Krajecki @funnymichellek]

Comedy goal: To get known well enough that people are disappointed when they see my commercials hawking reverse mortgages. #meandtheFonz

[Michelle Krajecki @funnymichellek]

When you see a young suspect on Law and Order that became a future cop on the same show. #watchingtoomanycopshows

[Michelle Krajecki @funnymichellek]

Tom's doing well. Watching crime shows together. The victims always seem to have kitchens that are spotless. That is why mine is not.#smart