Lola López

Comedian, Writer, Goddess, Actress, Waitress, Mom, I'm amateur at best! Laugh, seriously it's awkward when you don't.

[Lola López @funnyonthedl]

My #soulmate will not hmu with a booty-call at 2am.
He will instinctively #foodiecall with tacos @ a more reasonable hour.

[Lola López @funnyonthedl]

@DoorDash off you want to be hung up on by every customer service agent available- by all means have doordash make a mistake

[Lola López @funnyonthedl]

@DoorDash I've been left with no other option but to say your customer service sucky

[Lola López @funnyonthedl]

Winter is #Magical. I'm not referring to snow, or the merriment of the people around you. Rather the moment when you're @ Target & you spot someone wearing a #Griffindor Scarf, or a #Ravenclaw crest; for a moment you exchange a smile & #muggles around you aren't in on the secret

[Lola López @funnyonthedl]

@walmart 100 customers at the front waiting in line to check out, only 4 registers open. Did you not know it was Christmas?

[Lola López @funnyonthedl]

@altonbrown Shout out to the Churchlady Episode of Good Eats!
Deciding that I would, for the very1st time, make the Green Bean Casserole recipe found in the back of CreamOfMushroom soup cans. On Thanksgiving morning, I discovered I had purchased ClamChowder by mistake.

[Oscar the Grouch @OscarTheGrouch]

nope, not today.

[Lola López @funnyonthedl]

I'm no longer using #tinder
All applications should be submitted in writing, in person.
Must meet all boyfriend requirements. No short term positions available at this time.

[Lola López @funnyonthedl]

Local artist/craftsman/dude makes these. I have requested one of my very own. So happy!

[Lola López @funnyonthedl]

@JeffBodart Look out, it's Old Man Bodart!

[Lola López @funnyonthedl]

@altonbrown my 9yo son is obsessed with cooking shows, he's also really into science.
I'm so excited to find that there will be new episodes of #GoodEats
I just bought 2 seasons on DVD for him/us. Come back to Kentucky! I'll give you the good donuts.

[Lola López @funnyonthedl]

I think i need to wear a Tshirt on #FirstDates that reads:
I'm crazy&make incorporate jokes. I'm not trying to scare you off, but I also don't want you to be surprised when one day I say "I warned you I was like this. & fuck you, DP is funny when you think about it."
#single

[Lola López @funnyonthedl]

How are the other #Moms @ the Kroger gonna look at me like I'm crazy, just because my #daughter & I were singing the #DuckTales theme song all through our shopping trip?
Kudos to the guy who tried to join in, but sadly didn't know the lyrics.
#momlife #fun #silly

[Lola López @funnyonthedl]

@BrentTerhune I'm changing my instaG to this!
I hate cats, but it still applies

[Lola López @funnyonthedl]

@grahamelliot Please keep it!

[Lola López @funnyonthedl]

#firstdayofschool #momlife #wheredidtherumgo

[Lola López @funnyonthedl]

@david48382 Sorry, do I know you?

[Lola López @funnyonthedl]

Why do they make snapchat filters that smooth out your undereye & even your skintone for 13 -20 somethings? My 35 yo, exhausted, hungover aftera glass of wine, mom bod, who doesn't have the time nor money for a facial routine needs this shit waaaaaay more.

[Lola López @funnyonthedl]

Without straws, how am I supposed to show off my "first-drink-of-the-milkshake" skills?
I may never date again.
#singlelife #straw #Milkshake

[Lola López @funnyonthedl]

@Adam_Newman Yep, nothing sexier.